Frau Doktor

Akhirnya, pada 15 Oktober 2012, berakhirlah pengembaraan saya sebagai seorang student phd.

ALhamdulillah, the viva went well and I passed! ")

Mula-mula before viva start, i dah risau dan nervous. Takut dan gelabah. Sebab? Memula SV ada kata kena present thesis kita. So, I pon buatlah prezie and juga prepare text. Alih-alih, masuk bilik tu, tak de projector uols!!! Its a new building and I guess that room wasn't fully equiped. Maka, panik sekejap. Nasib baiklaaaaa I ada prepare handout yg mempunyai isi-isi penting dari thesis I.

So, the first 10 minutes was spent with talking about my research. Then, the examiners (3 of them) asked me to defend on things which they have criticized in the Gutachten (report). Masalahnya, masa kawan I tlg cerita balik apa yang dikritik, dia tak de la detail sangat. Rupanya, banyak benda juga ok. Panik kejap I!!!!

They kept asking me on how I see myself as being reflected in the research? How do I, as a researcher, project a certain role or impose on the answers my respondents could give? As a cultural studies scholar, we must always reflect on ourselves a researcher and the position we might take on a particular research (i didnt mention this in my disertation!!)That I missed an interesting part which could make my thesis better --- gender differences in decoding text. That they were not convinced on the way I used U&G concepts in E/D because E/D was originay written to criticise U&G. That I should have looked at David Buckingham's work. Did I look at identity as fluid or something specific? Why didn't I write more on the process of identity construction? What is my future plan? How would my research help my country? How does religion make a difference in my research? What do I plan to bring back to Malaysia? What would I have done differently?

All this were done within an hour. It was conducted in a seminar room which could fit an oblong table with 6 chairs around it. Needless to say, there were no audience. My friend came, but she waited outside for me.

You know, my friends all assured me to not worry for viva because it is basically talking about your research work. I was not convinced. But, when I was in that room, it strucked me! Memang betul lah!!! hehehhe.... I never knew I could speak at ease about things and explain about my work. Of course, reading it over and over again helped. I also read online and a friend pon nasihat juga, bila baca balik thesis tu, buat small notes or post its. Masa I read/heard that, I rasa macam...bolehke nak buat small notes ni? Believe me...once you start reading your thesis balik, you will automatically know what you find important.

Apa pon, bersyukur sangat that I dah selamat lulus.

Syukur sangat kepada Allah for all this. If you read my first few months when I first came to Vienna, you would know how exasperated I was, worried all the time, cried myself to sleep because of the new things I had to face here. Dengan 5 months preggers, nak kena buat insurance, cari tempat tinggal, apply for student permit, cari obgyn, beranak, missed first exam because beranak, sat for the exam, masalah cari babysitter for Andi, peristiwa sakit teruk sampai masuk hospital and terpaksa tinggalkan Andi dengan orang lain, pregnant again, the confusion on how many ects to take (i ended up taking 72 ects....padahal they needed only 30!!), kena baling dengan passport masa renew permit dan macam-macam lagi. Living so far away from my family was also not an easy thing to do.

Because of that, I am grateful because Allah gave me the strength to face all this. Alhamdullillah. Memang betul. Allah tak kan uji kita if dia tahu yang kita tak boleh menghadapinya. Thank you for granting my doas.

So, next stop, kerja!! *pengsan* so glad to go back with phd in my hands!!!

Sebelum ittew, nak shopping for my reward. hehe.