My nightmare

Alahai.

Why are you here?

Of all the people yang nak join that run in singapore, kau pon join jugak?

I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. Rupa-rupanya tak. I know you saw me with my children.

Its ok SB. I hope you saw how happy we were.

I hope you saw me hi-five-ing my husband as he arrived at the finish line.

I also hope you saw our picture at USS tu.

And that he uploaded the picture of me and him together at the run.

Semoga Allah memberikan engkau hidayah dan kesedaran.

Drama minggu ini

"So, mc is only until after CNY."

"Oh... ala...tak bestnya. Nanti rindu la.".

"Come on la. Please be more supportive. Ketepikan la rasa rindu semua tu. Now there is something more important yang need to be focused on."

Quiet

"Tak payahla cakap rindu-rindu semua. I need to get back to work."

Quiet

"Bukan murah nak sara all of you."

Quiet

"I need to get back to my life"

"I know. But your family is your life jugak, kan?"

"What are you trying to say?"

emotional independence

Being emotionally independent is important for women. But, to be honest, i think it is not our nature to be emotionally independent. We always need someone to talk to, someone to give our daily updates, to mengadu.

I think, i am very independent in a lot of aspects, but i lack emotional independence. I still feel the need to talk to dr sunshine every day.

But, i think i need to change. I need to try to be emotionally independent. I need me to be a better me. I need to love me.

It is not easy..but after thinking reaallllyyyy hard about this, i think being emotionally dependent only will cause you to feel like you are unloved or not taken care off bila the other person is busy. Jadi, elakkan dari have any type of expectation.

Just be.

Pasti

Oh hati, tolonglah bertenang.
Kadang-kadang rasa macam tersisih. Kadang-kadang rasa macam apa lagi yang tak cukup.
Kadang-kadang rasa macam i am not that desperate
Kadang-kadang rasa, kalau dah macam tu, apa yang istimewa tentang status i?
Kadang-kadang rasa semua tak kena
Kadang-kadang rasa kecewa.
Patah hati.
Putus asa.

Tapi, selalu ingat.

Allah only tests you because Allah knows you can handle it.

And.

With great trials and tribulations there is great reward.

Janji Allah itu pasti.

Alhamdullilah.

going cuckoo

at times, I feel like I am going cuckoo. And no, it is not funny.

You see, I know I choose to win him over.

But, there are times that I will be paranoid and playing games in my own head. I imagine things and etc.

Sometimes, my instinct is sooooo strong but I have no way to be certain that it is true. It sucks.

My head works overtime. My sleep is disturbed. I cannot stop thinking.

I dont know when all this will end.

Tapi I will always remember what a dear friend said: Allah maha adil.

InshaAllah, I will reap what I earn.

I pray that Allah make me the best wife for him.

I also pray that Allah makes him appreciate all that I have done and make him be aware of his priorities. InshaAllah.