last friday in wien

This will be the last friday of my stay in wien. After almost four years, this is THE last friday. :( I still cannot believe it....

Anyway, I bought the handbag I wanted, some crystal stuff, work pants and skirt. Now, nak cari work shirts and blouses at Primark!!! Yes...ada primark kat vienna ni and I am going to go on Monday, inshaAllah.

Esok, I plan to go get my pandora and look see at the MJ handbag I have set my eyes on.

Oh...and should I get a kitchenaid??? Its about 780 euros...but it comes with ALL the accessories. Plus, nanti I can claim VAT. So, should I? Should I???

Selain itu, dah tak de nak shopping dah. Esok dah nak start pack my stuff into boxes. Emm..I wonder how many boxes will it be...hehehhehe

shopping lagi dan lagi

Syukur Alhamdullilah, diberkati dengan kawan kawan yang offer untuk tolong jaga anak masa viva, dan juga sudi ajak saya untuk pi shopping trip at an outlet here!!!

Oh Em Gee.

Masa nak pergi tu, memang dah list down barang nak beli. So, when I went, I terus attacked kedai-kedai yang berkaitan.

Total damage:
wallet for me
wallet for my sisters
handbag sebjik
kasut 5 pasang
hair serum andi 5 botol
cuticle and nail oil thingy
baby lotion
cocottes
spice jars

Banyak kan? Mentang-mentang konon nak treat myself kan?? hambeekk....

Now, tinggal nak beli sebijik lagi handbag, satu kasut yang haritu dah nampak tapi tak beli, and work clothes and also stock baju for the boys, 2 mangkuk V&B (if ada my design) and random hiasan from here (if ada yang berkenan di hati). And esok, nak pi tengok kristal. Nak beli vases to put flowers. Thinking of getting a big one and 2 smaller ones of different sizes tapi tu semua bergantung kepada harga.

Itu sahaja yang tinggal. Now, persoalannya, how to bawa balik semua harta benda mak nenek tu??? *pengsan*

Frau Doktor

Akhirnya, pada 15 Oktober 2012, berakhirlah pengembaraan saya sebagai seorang student phd.

ALhamdulillah, the viva went well and I passed! ")

Mula-mula before viva start, i dah risau dan nervous. Takut dan gelabah. Sebab? Memula SV ada kata kena present thesis kita. So, I pon buatlah prezie and juga prepare text. Alih-alih, masuk bilik tu, tak de projector uols!!! Its a new building and I guess that room wasn't fully equiped. Maka, panik sekejap. Nasib baiklaaaaa I ada prepare handout yg mempunyai isi-isi penting dari thesis I.

So, the first 10 minutes was spent with talking about my research. Then, the examiners (3 of them) asked me to defend on things which they have criticized in the Gutachten (report). Masalahnya, masa kawan I tlg cerita balik apa yang dikritik, dia tak de la detail sangat. Rupanya, banyak benda juga ok. Panik kejap I!!!!

They kept asking me on how I see myself as being reflected in the research? How do I, as a researcher, project a certain role or impose on the answers my respondents could give? As a cultural studies scholar, we must always reflect on ourselves a researcher and the position we might take on a particular research (i didnt mention this in my disertation!!)That I missed an interesting part which could make my thesis better --- gender differences in decoding text. That they were not convinced on the way I used U&G concepts in E/D because E/D was originay written to criticise U&G. That I should have looked at David Buckingham's work. Did I look at identity as fluid or something specific? Why didn't I write more on the process of identity construction? What is my future plan? How would my research help my country? How does religion make a difference in my research? What do I plan to bring back to Malaysia? What would I have done differently?

All this were done within an hour. It was conducted in a seminar room which could fit an oblong table with 6 chairs around it. Needless to say, there were no audience. My friend came, but she waited outside for me.

You know, my friends all assured me to not worry for viva because it is basically talking about your research work. I was not convinced. But, when I was in that room, it strucked me! Memang betul lah!!! hehehhe.... I never knew I could speak at ease about things and explain about my work. Of course, reading it over and over again helped. I also read online and a friend pon nasihat juga, bila baca balik thesis tu, buat small notes or post its. Masa I read/heard that, I rasa macam...bolehke nak buat small notes ni? Believe me...once you start reading your thesis balik, you will automatically know what you find important.

Apa pon, bersyukur sangat that I dah selamat lulus.

Syukur sangat kepada Allah for all this. If you read my first few months when I first came to Vienna, you would know how exasperated I was, worried all the time, cried myself to sleep because of the new things I had to face here. Dengan 5 months preggers, nak kena buat insurance, cari tempat tinggal, apply for student permit, cari obgyn, beranak, missed first exam because beranak, sat for the exam, masalah cari babysitter for Andi, peristiwa sakit teruk sampai masuk hospital and terpaksa tinggalkan Andi dengan orang lain, pregnant again, the confusion on how many ects to take (i ended up taking 72 ects....padahal they needed only 30!!), kena baling dengan passport masa renew permit dan macam-macam lagi. Living so far away from my family was also not an easy thing to do.

Because of that, I am grateful because Allah gave me the strength to face all this. Alhamdullillah. Memang betul. Allah tak kan uji kita if dia tahu yang kita tak boleh menghadapinya. Thank you for granting my doas.

So, next stop, kerja!! *pengsan* so glad to go back with phd in my hands!!!

Sebelum ittew, nak shopping for my reward. hehe.

Almost there

Esok viva.

Ni tengah curi masa tulis blog kejap. Lepas ni nak practice my presentation with prezie.

Tolong doakan everything will be ok, ya?

Tadi, tiba-tiba terkenang on my first time here. How difficult it was. How much I worried. Those nights I cried myself to sleep. Esok...esok penentu segalanya. I hope it was worth my sweat and tears.

And, I would really like to thank Allah...for always giving me hope, for making me see that there is always a silver lining in everything that He has planned.

InshaAllah, at 12.15pm esok, I will go through my viva.

Lets hope and pray I'll pass. :)

lagi lima hari

Tinggal lagi lima hari je untuk saya lalui fasa terakhir in my phd studies. Who would have thought??

I am so nervous sangat-sangat to go through the viva. A lot of people told me not to worry but I still worry.

I have prepared my presentation text and the prezi.

I have made short notes in my dissertation.

Now, I just need to study and decide if i want to go to istanbul, milan or venice after my viva.

Skyped with a friend last night and she asked me about my thesis. It was good to talk to someone about it because it sort of gives me a chance to discuss it.

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusan PhD ku ini. Please let me pass my defensio. Amin.

bikin panas hati

saya sangat geram. Saya geram dengan orang yang suka mengambil jalan mudah or the easy way out. I tell you, I worked really hard to be where I am right now and it pisses me off when someone nak ambik short cut.

Ceritanya macam ni. Ada seorang hamba Allah ni, emailed me in June, asking me to recommend her to my SV untuk jadi his phd student. I tanya la HA ni, dia bidang apa. Dia kata dia bidang education. So I kata, bidang kita sangat berbeza. I also told that person yang buat phd ni bukan suka suki kita nak apply kepada sesiapa. It is important that the person is well versed in bidang yang kita nak ceburi.

And then, just when i thought everything was fine and dandy, she sent me another email. Tetap suruh i recommend sv kat dia, so that my sv can recommend somone suitable for her...and get this...she wasn't even sure which university am I studying at!!!! Grrrr....ni memang dasar pemalas tak nak buat research. Hello...ingat senang ke nak ambik any tom, dick or harry jadi your sv? Belum start phd dah tak reti nak buat research on pakar in your bidang. Nanti dah start kang, cemana agaknya. Lagi satu, I told her, sini kena tahu cakap German. Dia dahla memang tak tahu cakap german. Grrrr.....

Maka, I rasa, ada baiknya I list down tips on how to apply for a PhD.

1. Please determine what you plan to study for your phd. Write up your proposal. Have a senior go through it to see if it is worthy enough to be considered as a phd proposal.

2. Since sure you dah baca banyak artikel masa buat proposal tu, you will be familiar with a few names. So, this people can potentially be your SV. Or, bolehlah go through a uni website. Macam a senior in your uni will surely know which uni is good in your bidang. Then google dan cari SV.

3. Lepas dah shortlist a few names, start emailing them your CV and proposal with an appropriate introduction about yourself.

4. Tunggu reply.

Ha...kan senang je????

Heran betul dgn orang yang nak go through other person to apply for phd. And, orang yang nak minta tlg orang lain applykan (mcm kes HA ni...nak i bg nama so a prof yang dia kenal di uni tempat dia kerja can get in touch with tht prof for her). Perluke?? So nanti phd you, siapa yang akan buatkan??

Panas je I. Dah la orang nak study and prepare for viva. Benda2 camni sangat tak perlu!

sementara sempat

ok...i thought writing my thesis was difficult. Now, I beg to differ. Studying for my Viva is equally hard for me. I get a lot of people telling me not to worry and that I will do just fine. Tapi...tapi takuuttttt.......dah seram sejuk dah ni. And my perut also rasa macam ada gajah berlari-lari..bukan butterflies dah.

I don't know what to study. Where to start?

So what I did was I went through my thesis again. Abru run through sekali. I prepared the presentation text and prezi to go with it. Then, I started reading books. But now, I pikir, is it the right time to read books???? I think I should just concentrate on my thesis kan? And try to guess what they might ask...like why did you use this theory? Please explain your methods thoroughly. Betul tak?

I am sooooooo confused!!!!!!

SV said that I have the upper hand because my presentation is in English and they will not be able to ask me some hebat questions like they can if I were to present in Deutsch. Dia kata, prepare a one page thing to distribute to the panel. And he said, basically, they will only ask questions based on what I presented.

Namun I masih risau. Takut tak reti jawab. My problem is, sometimes I know the answer in my head but my mulut tak reti nak explain. Uwaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I really really really want to get a good grade and pass this. This is my final hurdle, before I can get that two coveted letters before my name.

Doakan yang I akan berjaya.

Now, I must read and reread my short notes on my thesis.

I also think that I should present everyday to my friend...just to be sure I will be fluent.

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusan PhD ku ini. please let me go back with a PhD in my hands. Amin.