and so, almost a year has passed since i last wrote in my blog.
so many things happened.
1. i gave birth to a beautiful baby girl!!!
2. Mr SUnshine is still in Ganu
3. I had a maid. Am now maidless. Babysitter dah tak nak jaga my children.
4. I am tired!!
Raya was ok. Tho i did have that bout of rashes.
And, last night I couldnt sleep because I suddenly had a panic attack. This feels like PhD all over again. I couldnt sleep because I cannot stop thinking about who will take care of my children when I go to work. My usual babysitter decided to suddenly NOT jaga my kids anymore. Tsk. I am currently waiting for a maid tetapi sementara itu macam mana? Andi's teacher gave the number of a new babysitter. I shall call that person esok and see how. You know, I selalu rasa Allah tak akan uji kita if kita tak leh buat benda tu. Tapi kadang-kadang, rasa sangat risau. Rasa macam omg....i just cannot do this. :(
On top of that, I feel the pressure to perform at work. InshaAllah, am working on correcting an article for a scopus publication. Then, I kena start writing another article. Am also hoping buku Srikandi tu keluar this year. I plan to apply for confirmation soon....hope that I will get it, inshaAllah.
On top of my head:
1. betulkan pertanika paper
2. write jkom paper.
3. plan focus group.
4. write final report of pts.
Ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusan hamba mu ini.
On top of all this....I miss my husband.
Saturday, August 2, 2014
Friday, September 27, 2013
ingatkan saya
Kalau saya ditakdirkan dapat anak perempuan, tolong ingatkan saya supaya saya ingatkan dia untuk mencari seorang suami that loves her more than she loves him.
I just don't want her to feel hurt.
I just don't want her to feel hurt.
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
bila keseorangan
it hasn't been easy.
I had to carry on with life as usual when Mr Sunshine left for Ganu. Once again, we are on a LDR. I hate it, tapi dah takdir, nak buat macam mana kan?
Now that he is not around, I have to do everything. Dulu pon memang i yang buat school runs, cook, clean, buat laundry and etc. But when he is around, he at least helps me wash the dishes, pick up the boys from babysitter kalau dia balik kerja awal, look after them (or more like layan karenah Aaron) so that I can have some time to mandi or cook. But now? Now, I sometimes cook while carrying Aaron. I bath with Aaron knocking on the door (tp ni dah less frequent, Alhamdullilah).
On top of that, I have to endure all this while being preggers.
Tapi hari ni or last night actually, I broke down. Just when I thought I am ok and maybe can survive this for another year, something happened.
Someone tried to break into my house. It was around 10pm and I was in bed, fiddling with my phone when I heard bunyi macam tingkap kena bukak, followed by some noise...macam bunyi my son main dengan periuk kinda sound. I knew that AA and AD are both asleep in their room opposite my room. I thought I was imagining things. Pastu, I pergi check and true enough, the window was opened!!! I immediately closed it and checked on my boys. Call Mr Sunshine and he told me to get the boys into our room and lock the door while he calls our neighbour.
Our neighbour came, and checked my house, tak ada apa. I was soooooooo scared and felt so helpless that I cried. tsk. That night, I slept with a lot of lights switched on.
Pagi tadi, my neighbour datang again to just have a look see since dah cerah and easier to tgk and true enough, dekat tingkap blakang (the boys bedroom) ada palm prints and also finger marks. tsk. Whoever it was must have tried to go in through the boys room as well tapi nasib baik, both windows which they tried tu, the grill jenis tak boleh buka.
Alhamdulillah, we are safe and sound. But, I am still traumatised with all this and I burst into tears when I think about it.
Honestly, I feel like I have had enough of LDR. :( It sucks. I hate having to be independent, brave, jadi my son's pillar of strength. Unless you are going through what I am going through, you won't even know how I feel. Its difficult. Nak kena protect your sons who are oblivious to what is happening when you yourself are scared to hell.
On top of all that, I really wish Mr Sunshine would come back tonight, to check up on me and give me a hug. But, I don't think he will. :(
I had to carry on with life as usual when Mr Sunshine left for Ganu. Once again, we are on a LDR. I hate it, tapi dah takdir, nak buat macam mana kan?
Now that he is not around, I have to do everything. Dulu pon memang i yang buat school runs, cook, clean, buat laundry and etc. But when he is around, he at least helps me wash the dishes, pick up the boys from babysitter kalau dia balik kerja awal, look after them (or more like layan karenah Aaron) so that I can have some time to mandi or cook. But now? Now, I sometimes cook while carrying Aaron. I bath with Aaron knocking on the door (tp ni dah less frequent, Alhamdullilah).
On top of that, I have to endure all this while being preggers.
Tapi hari ni or last night actually, I broke down. Just when I thought I am ok and maybe can survive this for another year, something happened.
Someone tried to break into my house. It was around 10pm and I was in bed, fiddling with my phone when I heard bunyi macam tingkap kena bukak, followed by some noise...macam bunyi my son main dengan periuk kinda sound. I knew that AA and AD are both asleep in their room opposite my room. I thought I was imagining things. Pastu, I pergi check and true enough, the window was opened!!! I immediately closed it and checked on my boys. Call Mr Sunshine and he told me to get the boys into our room and lock the door while he calls our neighbour.
Our neighbour came, and checked my house, tak ada apa. I was soooooooo scared and felt so helpless that I cried. tsk. That night, I slept with a lot of lights switched on.
Pagi tadi, my neighbour datang again to just have a look see since dah cerah and easier to tgk and true enough, dekat tingkap blakang (the boys bedroom) ada palm prints and also finger marks. tsk. Whoever it was must have tried to go in through the boys room as well tapi nasib baik, both windows which they tried tu, the grill jenis tak boleh buka.
Alhamdulillah, we are safe and sound. But, I am still traumatised with all this and I burst into tears when I think about it.
Honestly, I feel like I have had enough of LDR. :( It sucks. I hate having to be independent, brave, jadi my son's pillar of strength. Unless you are going through what I am going through, you won't even know how I feel. Its difficult. Nak kena protect your sons who are oblivious to what is happening when you yourself are scared to hell.
On top of all that, I really wish Mr Sunshine would come back tonight, to check up on me and give me a hug. But, I don't think he will. :(
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
harus terpisah
i am so overwhelmed with work!!!
I feel like I have so many things to do but I have so little time to do it. This goes for both kerja di ofis dan di rumah. I am usually flat by 930pm with all the work.
Di office, I kena:
a. prepare lecture notes for 3rd sem. Why I kena ajar 3rd sem pon i tak tahu.
b. kena buat article pasal student yala
c. kena correct my chapter in srikandiphd
d. kena start buat systematic review
e. jadi sexytary conference
f. my dbp book!!
g. Abstract for conference
sangat penat ok. Lecture dah la 2 kali seminggu. Maka, bayangkan how I kena prepare notes for something i have never taught before. Malas pon ada gak especially time time bulan posa macam ni. Like perluke uols??
On top of that, I am still not well. Masih pekak sebelah. Masih selesema dan batuk. Esok nak ambik result from my tb screening. hope its nothing lah.
Ok...nak prepare for next weeks lecture pulak.
Saya amat berharap saya tidak blank semasa lecture sat lagi.
I feel like I have so many things to do but I have so little time to do it. This goes for both kerja di ofis dan di rumah. I am usually flat by 930pm with all the work.
Di office, I kena:
a. prepare lecture notes for 3rd sem. Why I kena ajar 3rd sem pon i tak tahu.
b. kena buat article pasal student yala
c. kena correct my chapter in srikandiphd
d. kena start buat systematic review
e. jadi sexytary conference
f. my dbp book!!
g. Abstract for conference
sangat penat ok. Lecture dah la 2 kali seminggu. Maka, bayangkan how I kena prepare notes for something i have never taught before. Malas pon ada gak especially time time bulan posa macam ni. Like perluke uols??
On top of that, I am still not well. Masih pekak sebelah. Masih selesema dan batuk. Esok nak ambik result from my tb screening. hope its nothing lah.
Ok...nak prepare for next weeks lecture pulak.
Saya amat berharap saya tidak blank semasa lecture sat lagi.
Monday, July 15, 2013
di kejauhan
my convocation went well!
masa flight nak balik tu, while lining up to check in, ada pekerja emirates tanya siapa akan ke KL? So me and Mr Sunshine angkat tangan and they pulled us aside. They said that the flight has been overbooked and is it ok if we go back to KL on another airline (which sampai KL lagi cepat) and if we do that, they will give us 2 return tickets to Vienna for free!!! So, we said OK!! Tapi, the guy said, come back at 940, and we'll see macam mana, If not, we'll book you guys on business class. Oh...alright.
Turns out, ada a few passengers tak datang. So we had to go on that flight (no free tix!) tapi dapatlah we ols merasa naik business class.:) apa pon, Alhamdullillah.
ANyway, I havent been well. It has been three weeks already. Bila nak baik ni???
On top of that, Mr Sunshine dah pindah to KT. So, its just me and my boys. Dahla tak leh skype and all. Cuma we call each other quite often. But it feels weird to not be able to see his face. I hope he'll be back next week.
Ok..tu je.
I am feeling super lazy.
Tapi, dalam lazy lazy tu, I made butter chicken yesterday sebab terinspired dgn my friend. he he he.
Dont know what to get for iftar today. Hmm....
masa flight nak balik tu, while lining up to check in, ada pekerja emirates tanya siapa akan ke KL? So me and Mr Sunshine angkat tangan and they pulled us aside. They said that the flight has been overbooked and is it ok if we go back to KL on another airline (which sampai KL lagi cepat) and if we do that, they will give us 2 return tickets to Vienna for free!!! So, we said OK!! Tapi, the guy said, come back at 940, and we'll see macam mana, If not, we'll book you guys on business class. Oh...alright.
Turns out, ada a few passengers tak datang. So we had to go on that flight (no free tix!) tapi dapatlah we ols merasa naik business class.:) apa pon, Alhamdullillah.
ANyway, I havent been well. It has been three weeks already. Bila nak baik ni???
On top of that, Mr Sunshine dah pindah to KT. So, its just me and my boys. Dahla tak leh skype and all. Cuma we call each other quite often. But it feels weird to not be able to see his face. I hope he'll be back next week.
Ok..tu je.
I am feeling super lazy.
Tapi, dalam lazy lazy tu, I made butter chicken yesterday sebab terinspired dgn my friend. he he he.
Dont know what to get for iftar today. Hmm....
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Macam banyak aje kerja
Yes uols....feel a bit overwhelmed with work!!!
You see, a few months back, I went to a workshop jointly organised by DBP. After the workwhop, I was so bersemangat that I submitted a book proposal. Yesterday, there was a follow up punya workshop and I was supposed to go but I had something to attend to in the morning. So had to sms the organised cakap I was going to be late. Sekali, tengah hari they called and ask if I can come in NOW to because those DBP reps are very interested in talking to me. I terkulat-kulat lah kan sebabnya dahla lambat...
Jadi, after lunch hour (in which I tak sempat pon makan lunch), I headed to the workshop and presented my proposal. Guess what??? They were REALLY interested in my proposal. Padanlah beria-ia uols!!! If it works out, they even want to plan a book launch, inshaAllah. Who would have thought kan?? The only catch is, they want the manuscript ASAP and I already have sooooooooo many things on my plate right now.
Ok....nak makan lunch. sambung later. CIAO!!!
You see, a few months back, I went to a workshop jointly organised by DBP. After the workwhop, I was so bersemangat that I submitted a book proposal. Yesterday, there was a follow up punya workshop and I was supposed to go but I had something to attend to in the morning. So had to sms the organised cakap I was going to be late. Sekali, tengah hari they called and ask if I can come in NOW to because those DBP reps are very interested in talking to me. I terkulat-kulat lah kan sebabnya dahla lambat...
Jadi, after lunch hour (in which I tak sempat pon makan lunch), I headed to the workshop and presented my proposal. Guess what??? They were REALLY interested in my proposal. Padanlah beria-ia uols!!! If it works out, they even want to plan a book launch, inshaAllah. Who would have thought kan?? The only catch is, they want the manuscript ASAP and I already have sooooooooo many things on my plate right now.
Ok....nak makan lunch. sambung later. CIAO!!!
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
long distance kembali
Dr Sunshine is now a qualified orthopedic surgeon and will now be known as Mr Sunshine. Following his new status, he will be transferred to a new hospital. This time around, it will be Kuala Trengganu. :(
I have written before on my intention to pursue post doc. One of the main reason is because I wanted to find a way in which I will be able to follow him. Tapi tiba-tiba, he got KT. That caught us offguard! KT was NEVER in our plans.
So, the big move will be next month. From then on, I will be conducting a one women show. With three boys pulak tu!! I need all the luck I can get. Thought of hiring a maid, tapi its too late lah nak hire one. I think I can handle it, inshaAllah. Just have to learn to take it easy.
Things are also working out work wise. I secured a grant and another one tu macam dapat positive response but no black and white so I cannot say anything la kan. I have 1 book chapter out, inshaAllah one edited book soon and a journal article. To be honest, I need to buck up on writing my papers. I have one up my sleeves and another one tu, baru nak mula research on the topic. On top of that, I berangan nak apply for FRGS but we'll see how it goes. If I dapat the other grant, maybe I can hold on dulu to my FRGS application.
Ok lah. Heading to the airport......Am so dreading July. :((
I have written before on my intention to pursue post doc. One of the main reason is because I wanted to find a way in which I will be able to follow him. Tapi tiba-tiba, he got KT. That caught us offguard! KT was NEVER in our plans.
So, the big move will be next month. From then on, I will be conducting a one women show. With three boys pulak tu!! I need all the luck I can get. Thought of hiring a maid, tapi its too late lah nak hire one. I think I can handle it, inshaAllah. Just have to learn to take it easy.
Things are also working out work wise. I secured a grant and another one tu macam dapat positive response but no black and white so I cannot say anything la kan. I have 1 book chapter out, inshaAllah one edited book soon and a journal article. To be honest, I need to buck up on writing my papers. I have one up my sleeves and another one tu, baru nak mula research on the topic. On top of that, I berangan nak apply for FRGS but we'll see how it goes. If I dapat the other grant, maybe I can hold on dulu to my FRGS application.
Ok lah. Heading to the airport......Am so dreading July. :((
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