at 6 weeks, andi is

- 4.66kg

-54.5cm

-has bronchitis

-kena guna salbutamol inhaler...tsk

p/s: doakan anak sy sehat ye. tq. esok kena jumpa pead lg.

look what i did at almost 6 weeks

i shocked mama by turning while falling asleep. but after a while, i woke up cos my left hand terhempap under my body.

are you proud of me mama?

esok tepat sminggu my darling dr sunshine left vienna's soil.

so far, dia dah pi buat spek baru.

buat eod (every other day) on call.

beli ps2.

sengaja balik lambat to have dinner with his friend yang on call that day.

tgk kereta dia yg tersadai di workshop.

dinner with his sis.

i think he's trying to fill up his time. mcm besok, locumplak. n he never does locum on thursdays.

i, meanwhile, have been busy trying to adjust tomy new routine. tp tetaplakan x buat stok lg!! tsk. n andi plak skarang tak cukup ok if 4oz! tskkkk.how? must be more rajin. *note to self: set alarm so can bangun to pump*

will be bringing mom n kids to mariahilfer esok. nk beli books for my darling dani to practice writing n recognising abc. we are trying to teach him colours and later on shapes. my dr sunshine bought him building blocks to help teach him that, tp he still mixes them up. takpe. kayuh pelan-pelan, kan dani baby? mama hopes u'd be able to recognise abc n shapes n colours during your stay with me. ada any mommies yg boleh kongsi tips how to teach toddlers those things? in turn, mak bleh kongsi tips on how to help your toddler hafal surah lazim. :)

gasglow unibersity

it took me a year plus to write to gasglowunibersity to decline their offer to pursue my phd there. i wrote to them 2 days ago. teruk kan?maybe, mak masih menyimpan sedikit harapan to work with the famed philo.

they wrote back and said that it was a pity that i did not get any funding and should i get any form of scholarship at all, they wld welcome me with open arms gittew.

so now, mak nk belajar bersungguh-sungguh to lepas my deutch n now menyimpan angan2 to maybe request for philo 2b a join sv or smthg. kita tgk apa my future sv kata ek.

my new routine

i am trying to create a routine with the boys. trying very hard to establish a routine before i start my class on April 23rd.

pagi, bangun. i try to wake up early so that i can pump susu. tapi on most days, i feel so tak larat that i just tidoooo... i will ussually wake up when dani wakes up. ihiks. i figure thati need the rest, no?

bangun, buat breakfast. but if dani decided dia nak tukar diaper, mandikan dani first, then baru buat breakfast. after breakfast, mandikan andi.

then, give milk, kemas bilik, kemas meja makan, do dishes and layan dani main.

time flies i tell you. tiba2 dah kol 12. time to prepare lunch pulak. if sempat, i mandi first, if not, cook lunch dulu.

then lunch. after lunch, pump again. pasang bob the builder for dani (if he has been good and tak kench merata). if not, keluar pi buat groceries or etc.

petang, laundry. sidai2 baju. lipat baju. then, time to cook dinner pulak.

pastu dinner. lepak depan lappie jap. put andi to sleep. put dani to sleep. and i also sleep. i should actually pump lagi sbenarnye.

i need to buat stock to be used masa pi kelas nanti. right now, ada 1 jer dalam freezer. 1 dalam fridge. tp dlm fridge tu utk nanti nak kluar pi groceries.

right now, Alhamdullillah, everytime pump, dapat about 4oz. tu pon 1 side jer baru...tak dan the other side cos one of the boys wld bemaking a fuss. huhu.

hmm...i really hope i larat and my stamina would increase. penat ok hangkut bath tub, and baldi2 air for the bath. angkat andi yg semakin gain weight to cuci lepas dia berries. angkat dani. vacuum rumah ni. tapi mak tak bleh complain cos i asked for it, kan?

neway, if only afz was here.

kosong

hmm..my first night without you babe.

kinda tough to handle two kids on my own. i know mak is around but i try not to burden her and cuba buat all i can.

i bagi dani susu ounce tonight, after giving andi his milk.

andi tak tidor lagi but i minta tolong mak pegang andi and i went to buat susu for dani plak. mak wanted to bagi susu to dani but i insisted to be the one to put him to sleep. just so that i can continue your nightly rituals with him. so that he won't forget.

sayang mama tak?
sayang papa tak?
sayang andi tak?
sayang banyak ke sikit?
Fatihah
al-Ikhlas
bismillah
suap susu.
Ayat Qursi

i wanted to read ayat Qursi before giving him milk tapi dani kata bagi susu dulu baru baca ayat Qursi. huhu. I guess I did not observe the ritual bebetul.

I will try my best to remember everything you pesan.

I will try my best to raise the boys properly with you away.

I rindu you sangat B. I keep on imagining that you are on one of your walks, or tgh baca buku anatomy tu outside.

i rasa pelik to be the last one to go to sleep tonight, to be the one to switch off the light and to basuh pinggan segala.

i rasa kosong.

my boys

saya sedih.

Dr Sunshine just left for KL. It will be another 8 months before I see him.

I know time flies, tapi i feel very sad. emo. helpless.

Tapi, I have to be strong for my boys.

He left with lots of nasihat. What to do with the boys, the house, because ever since he came, i have been so dependent on him. I was too dependent on him. All I did was jadi Andi's milk machine and cook and kemas rumah sikit-sikit. lain semua, Dr Sunshine yg buat.

Starting today, i will have to do everything. Bathe the boys, tukar diaper, basuh berak, buat laundry, vacuum rumah, washthe dishes, throw the garbage, buat groceries.banyak tu.

first things first, esok nk kena register kat uni. pastu sign up for the next level. then, if ada masa, bayar insurance. and if still have time, pi Dredsner and ask if what i have is sufficient. if not, hmm...kena tanya apa lg yg diperlukan. must call landlord to ask for document.esok petang, must do a bit of groceries...byk brg dh habis. i must also start doing my budget. have been ignoring that since Dr Sunshine came.

ok. i want to put andi down and start the laundry.

please doakan that i will be able to cope with everything. i am starting to risau..huhu...

i am more relaxed when Dr Sunshine is here. but a few days before he left, i started being worried about things.

i guess, i worry because i know that now, i only have myself to depend on.

I miss you my Sunshine.