10 years

it has been 10 years since Dr Sunshine and I hooked up. Lets pray for many more years to come....

you and me

i dont know what or how to feel

talk about it or just pretend it never happened?

i'm busy.

no, you are busy.

i'm heartless? probably just inconsiderate.

irresponsible?

this won't be the end, kan?

risau

masa i was about to be discharged, the doctor told me to try and not be so stressed. mungkinkah stress salah satu faktor kita mudah jatuh sakit?

anyhoo, nak citer gak yg i am so risau. risau pasal my studies. hiyahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....risau sebab masih belom jumpa sv untuk sem ni. risau sebab i am just reading and reading without arah tujuan. risau that they wont allow me to do my phd within the old structure. risau. tak sukala nak risau.

apa pon...i am currently reading mcquails audience analysis.

pastu, i think i need to have a plan. i think, after easter break, which is just this wednesday, i'm going to be a nerd and lepak at the library. my plan is to look for journal articles yg ada kaitan dengan what i plan to do. saya nak kumpul dan baca. sebab apa. sebab saya koya nak tahu, apa bentuk2 soalan yg orang tanya masa fgd. manalah tahu kan. apa pendapat u ols?

i know i still have yet to fully recover. nafas pon macam tak puas lagi...tapi selagi i sit at home, i will worry. so, i guess, sitting at the library tak pa kot? i dont really have to walk ke apa cos basically i will just be at the computer kan?

tula plan saya...

and i hope to meet mtsv the week after easter break.

wish me luck. saya nak habis cepat2.

bila masuk hospital di negara orang

kalau nak jadikan tajuk karangan darjah 6, i can bagi tajuk pengalaman yang saya tidak dapat lupakan.

after a long while, i was hospitalised (hospitalised sebab beranak tak kira).

i had penumonia and the infection was really really bad ditambah pulak dengan keadaan semulajadi yang chronic athma. the first round of antibiotik treatment didnt really work because i still had fever, even after a week being hospitalised. so they had to change the antibiotics and i had to wait for the treatment to finish, barulah boleh direlease keluar.

i was really really sick and i wasnt kidding.i guess i knew my body and i knew that this time, the sakit is different.

it all started with fever...which didnt get better even tho i was religiously popping pcm every 6 hours. 3 days later, i started having difficulty to breathe. masa tu, Tuhan je tahu how terseksa i was. imagine, kena jaga baby, tukar diaper, bagi makan, susu and etc, while you yourself nak bangun pon tak larat. but i had to do it.

pastu, on the fourth nite, i really couldnt breathe and called my auntie. she came..because in case i was brought to the hospy, at least dia ada to take care of AA. ambulance came, and said i was not that bad...gave me an injection and asked me to go to the doctors the next day.

so, my aunt brought me to the docs. masa tu, jalan pon seksa. i felt like ikan yang keluar dari air. i really found it difficult to breathe. susah sangat. the docs suh pi buat xray (at another place) and the xray person said that it was really really important that we showed the doc the xray right away. so, pegi balik klinik(ni la negara maju sangat!!! susah benar nak pi xray tempat lain, doctor tempat lain. i cried ok semasa berjalan because it was taking a toll on me. i really cried). at the clinic, doc kata keadaaan saya teruk and terus call ambulance. and ambulance brought me to the hospy...and the rest is history.

the person that i feel really guilty towards is Andi. i had to leave him with other people (my aunt tak reti jaga baby..so dia minta tolong kawan dia jagakan).andi was left with people he hardly know for 3 days, before my mom arrivedto take over. tu pon, my mom also stayed at the kind malaysian's house because i felt it was better than leaving her alone at my apartment.

as a result of my being hospitalised, Andi is now fully formula fed.:(

my mom and Dr Sunshine also plans to bring Andi back to Malaysia.

sigh. inilah pengalaman,kan? mcm2 cabaran nak dapatkan phd ni.

please doakan i will fully recover soon.i am still quite weak.

a lot of people thought that i wasnt really sick, tapi i was. at first mcm disappointed jugak cos i really needed emotional support from family and friends and wasnt really getting any. tapi tula..i guess people thought my sakit wasnt really serious.

what made my day was getting phone calls from dear Dr Sushine and eus almost every other day. :)

and what really really made me better was when dr sunshine walked into my room on tuesday. he suprised me. :)

ok...need to rest. i feel tired.

i m sick

i couldnt get up for a few days cos my body rasa berat semacam. i hv been living on pcm n ponstan for tha past 4 day.

ya Allah. pls give me the stregth. pls make me healthy again. i cry every night wishing for Dr Sunshine to come or my mother. its not easy.

please pray for my health.

p/s: couldnt go to doc becos misplaced my card. hv no energy to really cari for it.

p.ps: anyone has any idea how to stop aa suckling ALL through the nite? its really draining my energy.i evewn woke upbg mkn but after makan its bck to the boobies. i really really tak larat.

help.

conversations

dani when he was 1 plus

best sangat cakap dgn AD. hihi. he had so many things to tell. about school. he sang lagu satu tangan, cerita pasal pegi giant dgn along, read adam & dina through the phone, baca doa mkn, doa ibu bapa...

at times like this, i feel so blessed.

i love you Ahmad Dani.

mama selalu doakan supaya anak mama jadi seorang yang soleh, pandai, bijak, mendengar kata, sihat.

p/s: Dani is currently learning doa menaiki kenderaan in school. mama dia pon tak hafal doa ni...alaa..doa ibu bapa tu pon mek tak tahu. but it feels good to know your kid doakan for you every day in school, no?

haihh....its been two whole weeks of not doing anything. i feel so guilty. but i cant read or rather, i can but whatever i read tak masuk otak iniew. sigh. how? kena makan kismiskah?

i set myself a target, to finish up my audience study book by last week tapi itu jadi hanya mimpi u ols! yelah..dengan AA demamnye, nak buat makan-makannye, niat ittew terkubur begitu sahaja. i couldnt even meet my sv yesterday cos i really want AA to rest and sehat betol2 supaya bleh pi nursery on thursday.

anyway, i set myself a new target, to finish reading by sunday, becos i've got a meeting with sv on monday. and, thursday, nak pi library belajo nak dl articles from the elibrary (yes..sila ketuk kepalasaya sebab sampai skang tak belajar lagi!).

kena semangat ni!! caiyok caiyok!!

p/s: heran cemana i can finish a story book in 3 hours, paling lama pon 1 day, tapi kalu buku pelajaran..mak aiii...bertahun nak habis nieh!!!!

p.p/s: i really miss my Dr Sunshine at times like this.

p.p.p/s: i love the fact that Dani now likes to talk to me online or on the fon! best sgt dengar celoteh dia pasal sekolah (kawan botak, ada girl nangis masa pi skool) or family (haziq sakit, dvd rosak, makan kfc).

p.p.p.p/s: i think Along is the best auntie in the whole wide world. thank you for being like a mother to Dani, more than I ever could.