my AA

Last week, i baru nak terasa bangga dengan anak i. you see, i have been flashing to him (haipp...bukan flash bukak baju okei!... i flash, flash cards) a few cards but have been stressing on a few cards in particular (sebab card lain ntah mana hilang selepas Encik Ahmad Andi gigit/main/sorok).

so, one day, he picked up the card and started to shake his body. the card was SHAKE. oh...masa tu, kembang kuncup rasanya tengok anakanda macam ala-ala faham apa yang tertera di card tersebut.

but...my excitement was shortlived. the next day, he picked up a card, and started to shake. card tu tulis apa tau?

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ZEBRA

*nangis*

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I have also been reading to AA almost every day. Ala...sebenarnye bukan mama dia yg rajin sangat nak bacakan..tapi AA will bring me his books and cakap "Nak, Nak" persistantly sampaiiilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa kita bacakan for him.

My favourite book is titled Animals. Neway, nak gak cerita yang one day, i asked him to point to elephant, and he pointed to the correct animal. oh..dan juga zebra.

notakaki: baru sekali je buat, so it might just be a lucky coincidence that he pointed to the right animal. tapi sebagai seorang ibu, nak jugak rasa bangga lite lite.

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AA now loves to wear his kasut di sebelah kaki sahaja. sebelah lagi, no shoes or socks. pastu, dia akan guna kaki tu untuk pijak segala mak nenek toys dia. dan mungkin sebab dia budak lelaki (there i go..stereotyping boys), dia adalah agak lasak. i seriously cannot remember Dani being this 'gege' masa kecik dulu but i guess each anak is different.

And, when he hears the Skype ringing tone, he'll rush to my lappie sambil berkata 'Papa' or 'Bear'. And he now talks to them, albeit in his baby language. yg kitaorg faham is nak.

And when he wants something (like a toy, or biskut) and i buat-buat tak faham, he will use his hands to pusingkan my head to tgk what he is pointing at yang dia Nak sangat tu.

I tell you, his favourite word has got to be 'Nak'.

sigh...i am going to miss you Son.

mungkin nasib saya

I really really wanted to meet my SV today. i emailed his secretary, no reply. called, and only got her answering machine. so i decided to just go to his office.

so dalam sejuk-sejuk (sebab hujan), i went to my school, only to find him, NOT there.

balik2, got a reply from my SV saying he's in Istanbul and will only be able to see me 2nd week of May.

sigh..oleh itu, that leaves me to decide what to do. and i have decided that this week, i will try to operationalize national identity and cultural identity.

pastu, the week after, i want to fine tune the research method i plan to use.

so, by the time jumpa SV in 2nd week of May tu, hopefully i have something substantial to present to him.

doakan saya berjaya, sebab i'm driving with a blindfold here.i really have no direction, tapi i try.

anyhoo, semasa di skool, i came across an interesting notice. Summer School in Istanbul. :) its a 6 day program for postgrad students which focuses on intercultural communication. it will be in September. I plan to apply for a spot because my uni will sponsor about 450euro and i have to fork out about 200 euro to cover the expenses. I really hope it wont be held early Sept tapi dalam hati mak, rasa mcm tak jer sebab its turkey kan..tak kan nak buat masa bulan posa kot? i will only send in my application once they have decided on the date. other than that, i'm thinking of doing an attachment di university yg rank-nyer #3o dalam THES. tapi tu, mak tak sure lagie.

ok..ittew saje laporan.

p/s: sekarang, mak tgh menuntut ilmu memasak from my mother. also, i have to cook rice everyday sebab AA dah takmo makan bubur n etc. yes...dia fenfeeling mcm grown up.

10 years

it has been 10 years since Dr Sunshine and I hooked up. Lets pray for many more years to come....

you and me

i dont know what or how to feel

talk about it or just pretend it never happened?

i'm busy.

no, you are busy.

i'm heartless? probably just inconsiderate.

irresponsible?

this won't be the end, kan?

risau

masa i was about to be discharged, the doctor told me to try and not be so stressed. mungkinkah stress salah satu faktor kita mudah jatuh sakit?

anyhoo, nak citer gak yg i am so risau. risau pasal my studies. hiyahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....risau sebab masih belom jumpa sv untuk sem ni. risau sebab i am just reading and reading without arah tujuan. risau that they wont allow me to do my phd within the old structure. risau. tak sukala nak risau.

apa pon...i am currently reading mcquails audience analysis.

pastu, i think i need to have a plan. i think, after easter break, which is just this wednesday, i'm going to be a nerd and lepak at the library. my plan is to look for journal articles yg ada kaitan dengan what i plan to do. saya nak kumpul dan baca. sebab apa. sebab saya koya nak tahu, apa bentuk2 soalan yg orang tanya masa fgd. manalah tahu kan. apa pendapat u ols?

i know i still have yet to fully recover. nafas pon macam tak puas lagi...tapi selagi i sit at home, i will worry. so, i guess, sitting at the library tak pa kot? i dont really have to walk ke apa cos basically i will just be at the computer kan?

tula plan saya...

and i hope to meet mtsv the week after easter break.

wish me luck. saya nak habis cepat2.

bila masuk hospital di negara orang

kalau nak jadikan tajuk karangan darjah 6, i can bagi tajuk pengalaman yang saya tidak dapat lupakan.

after a long while, i was hospitalised (hospitalised sebab beranak tak kira).

i had penumonia and the infection was really really bad ditambah pulak dengan keadaan semulajadi yang chronic athma. the first round of antibiotik treatment didnt really work because i still had fever, even after a week being hospitalised. so they had to change the antibiotics and i had to wait for the treatment to finish, barulah boleh direlease keluar.

i was really really sick and i wasnt kidding.i guess i knew my body and i knew that this time, the sakit is different.

it all started with fever...which didnt get better even tho i was religiously popping pcm every 6 hours. 3 days later, i started having difficulty to breathe. masa tu, Tuhan je tahu how terseksa i was. imagine, kena jaga baby, tukar diaper, bagi makan, susu and etc, while you yourself nak bangun pon tak larat. but i had to do it.

pastu, on the fourth nite, i really couldnt breathe and called my auntie. she came..because in case i was brought to the hospy, at least dia ada to take care of AA. ambulance came, and said i was not that bad...gave me an injection and asked me to go to the doctors the next day.

so, my aunt brought me to the docs. masa tu, jalan pon seksa. i felt like ikan yang keluar dari air. i really found it difficult to breathe. susah sangat. the docs suh pi buat xray (at another place) and the xray person said that it was really really important that we showed the doc the xray right away. so, pegi balik klinik(ni la negara maju sangat!!! susah benar nak pi xray tempat lain, doctor tempat lain. i cried ok semasa berjalan because it was taking a toll on me. i really cried). at the clinic, doc kata keadaaan saya teruk and terus call ambulance. and ambulance brought me to the hospy...and the rest is history.

the person that i feel really guilty towards is Andi. i had to leave him with other people (my aunt tak reti jaga baby..so dia minta tolong kawan dia jagakan).andi was left with people he hardly know for 3 days, before my mom arrivedto take over. tu pon, my mom also stayed at the kind malaysian's house because i felt it was better than leaving her alone at my apartment.

as a result of my being hospitalised, Andi is now fully formula fed.:(

my mom and Dr Sunshine also plans to bring Andi back to Malaysia.

sigh. inilah pengalaman,kan? mcm2 cabaran nak dapatkan phd ni.

please doakan i will fully recover soon.i am still quite weak.

a lot of people thought that i wasnt really sick, tapi i was. at first mcm disappointed jugak cos i really needed emotional support from family and friends and wasnt really getting any. tapi tula..i guess people thought my sakit wasnt really serious.

what made my day was getting phone calls from dear Dr Sushine and eus almost every other day. :)

and what really really made me better was when dr sunshine walked into my room on tuesday. he suprised me. :)

ok...need to rest. i feel tired.

i m sick

i couldnt get up for a few days cos my body rasa berat semacam. i hv been living on pcm n ponstan for tha past 4 day.

ya Allah. pls give me the stregth. pls make me healthy again. i cry every night wishing for Dr Sunshine to come or my mother. its not easy.

please pray for my health.

p/s: couldnt go to doc becos misplaced my card. hv no energy to really cari for it.

p.ps: anyone has any idea how to stop aa suckling ALL through the nite? its really draining my energy.i evewn woke upbg mkn but after makan its bck to the boobies. i really really tak larat.

help.