Whats with November?

I was reading my old blog and realised, all things berkaitan the Stupid Bitch (SB) happens in November! I found the raya card in November. The phone bills and SMS pon in November. Someone saw them shopping together pon was in November. But all in different years. Waahh....

Anyway, in life, one has to make a choice.

And, I choose to win over my husband.

I berpegang kepada janji Allah. Apa yang isteri buat bersama suami, hatta berpegang tangan pon, dah dikira sebagai sesuatu yang baik dan inshaAllah, dapat pahala. Tetapi, bila seorang lelaki dan perempuan yang bukan muhrim do stuff together like holding hands, then those involved akan collect dosa (and no, I am not implying that they did anything. ni contoh je). Also, I believe, Allah is the best planner. Allah knows that I can face all this. And with all trials and tribulations, inshaAllah, there will be great reward.


I pray that Allah will make me to be the best wife for my husband.

November rain

And, so I saw the bitch at the starting line. With you, standing next to her. Hell, we were in a run together and you didnt even bother to stand next to me.

She turned to look behind her and saw my deathly stare and averted my gaze.

Kenapa?

Kenapa tak sudah-sudah lagi ni?

J019 and J020. Obviously both of you registered together.

You may think I am stupid but I am not. You may think you will never be caught tapi Allah maha besar wahai Norazimimah Abdullah  SB.

Things were about to go back to being normal. And this had to happen.

On one hand, syukur Allah nak tunjuk depan mata.

What to do now?

Sabar.

Nak sabar berapa lama?

Kita tunggu dan lihat.

i will survive

and so, almost a year has passed since i last wrote in my blog.

so many things happened.

1. i gave birth to a beautiful baby girl!!!
2. Mr SUnshine is still in Ganu
3. I had a maid. Am now maidless. Babysitter dah tak nak jaga my children.
4. I am tired!!

Raya was ok. Tho i did have that bout of rashes.

And, last night I couldnt sleep because I suddenly had a panic attack. This feels like PhD all over again. I couldnt sleep because I cannot stop thinking about who will take care of my children when I go to work. My usual babysitter decided to suddenly NOT jaga my kids anymore. Tsk. I am currently waiting for a maid tetapi sementara itu macam mana? Andi's teacher gave the number of a new babysitter. I shall call that person esok and see how. You know, I selalu rasa Allah tak akan uji kita if kita tak leh buat benda tu. Tapi kadang-kadang, rasa sangat risau. Rasa macam omg....i just cannot do this. :(

On top of that, I feel the pressure to perform at work. InshaAllah, am working on correcting an article for a scopus publication. Then, I kena start writing another article. Am also hoping buku Srikandi tu keluar this year. I plan to apply for confirmation soon....hope that I will get it, inshaAllah.

On top of my head:
1. betulkan pertanika paper
2. write jkom paper.
3. plan focus group.
4. write final report of pts.

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusan hamba mu ini.

On top of all this....I miss my husband.

ingatkan saya

Kalau saya ditakdirkan dapat anak perempuan, tolong ingatkan saya supaya saya ingatkan dia untuk mencari seorang suami that loves her more than she loves him.

I just don't want her to feel hurt.

bila keseorangan

it hasn't been easy.

I had to carry on with life as usual when Mr Sunshine left for Ganu. Once again, we are on a LDR. I hate it, tapi dah takdir, nak buat macam mana kan?

Now that he is not around, I have to do everything. Dulu pon memang i yang buat school runs, cook, clean, buat laundry and etc. But when he is around, he at least helps me wash the dishes, pick up the boys from babysitter kalau dia balik kerja awal, look after them (or more like layan karenah Aaron) so that I can have some time to mandi or cook. But now? Now, I sometimes cook while carrying Aaron. I bath with Aaron knocking on the door (tp ni dah less frequent, Alhamdullilah).

On top of that, I have to endure all this while being preggers.

Tapi hari ni or last night actually, I broke down. Just when I thought I am ok and maybe can survive this for another year, something happened.

Someone tried to break into my house. It was around 10pm and I was in bed, fiddling with my phone when I heard bunyi macam tingkap kena bukak, followed by some noise...macam bunyi my son main dengan periuk kinda sound. I knew that AA and AD are both asleep in their room opposite my room. I thought I was imagining things. Pastu, I pergi check and true enough, the window was opened!!! I immediately closed it and checked on my boys. Call Mr Sunshine and he told me to get the boys into our room and lock the door while he calls our neighbour.

Our neighbour came, and checked my house, tak ada apa. I was soooooooo scared and felt so helpless that I cried. tsk. That night, I slept with a lot of lights switched on.

Pagi tadi, my neighbour datang again to just have a look see since dah cerah and easier to tgk and true enough, dekat tingkap blakang (the boys bedroom) ada palm prints and also finger marks. tsk. Whoever it was must have tried to go in through the boys room as well tapi nasib baik, both windows which they tried tu, the grill jenis tak boleh buka.

Alhamdulillah, we are safe and sound. But, I am still traumatised with all this and I burst into tears when I think about it.

Honestly, I feel like I have had enough of LDR. :( It sucks. I hate having to be independent, brave, jadi my son's pillar of strength. Unless you are going through what I am going through, you won't even know how I feel. Its difficult. Nak kena protect your sons who are oblivious to what is happening when you yourself are scared to hell.

On top of all that, I really wish Mr Sunshine would come back tonight, to check up on me and give me a hug. But, I don't think he will. :(

harus terpisah

i am so overwhelmed with work!!!

I feel like I have so many things to do but I have so little time to do it. This goes for both kerja di ofis dan di rumah. I am usually flat by 930pm with all the work.

Di office, I kena:
a. prepare lecture notes for 3rd sem. Why I kena ajar 3rd sem pon i tak tahu.
b. kena buat article pasal student yala
c. kena correct my chapter in srikandiphd
d. kena start buat systematic review
e. jadi sexytary conference
f. my dbp book!!
g. Abstract for conference

sangat penat ok. Lecture dah la 2 kali seminggu. Maka, bayangkan how I kena prepare notes for something i have never taught before. Malas pon ada gak especially time time bulan posa macam ni. Like perluke uols??

On top of that, I am still not well. Masih pekak sebelah. Masih selesema dan batuk. Esok nak ambik result from my tb screening. hope its nothing lah.

Ok...nak prepare for next weeks lecture pulak.

Saya amat berharap saya tidak blank semasa lecture sat lagi.

di kejauhan

my convocation went well!

masa flight nak balik tu, while lining up to check in, ada pekerja emirates tanya siapa akan ke KL? So me and Mr Sunshine angkat tangan and they pulled us aside. They said that the flight has been overbooked and is it ok if we go back to KL on another airline (which sampai KL lagi cepat) and if we do that, they will give us 2 return tickets to Vienna for free!!! So, we said OK!! Tapi, the guy said, come back at 940, and we'll see macam mana, If not, we'll book you guys on business class. Oh...alright.

Turns out, ada a few passengers tak datang. So we had to go on that flight (no free tix!) tapi dapatlah we ols merasa naik business class.:) apa pon, Alhamdullillah.

ANyway,  I havent been well. It has been three weeks already. Bila nak baik ni???

On top of that, Mr Sunshine dah pindah to KT. So, its just me and my boys. Dahla tak leh skype and all. Cuma we call each other quite often. But it feels weird to not be able to see his face. I hope he'll be back next week.

Ok..tu je.

I am feeling super lazy.

Tapi, dalam lazy lazy tu, I made butter chicken yesterday sebab terinspired dgn my friend. he he he.

Dont know what to get for iftar today. Hmm....