bikin panas hati

saya sangat geram. Saya geram dengan orang yang suka mengambil jalan mudah or the easy way out. I tell you, I worked really hard to be where I am right now and it pisses me off when someone nak ambik short cut.

Ceritanya macam ni. Ada seorang hamba Allah ni, emailed me in June, asking me to recommend her to my SV untuk jadi his phd student. I tanya la HA ni, dia bidang apa. Dia kata dia bidang education. So I kata, bidang kita sangat berbeza. I also told that person yang buat phd ni bukan suka suki kita nak apply kepada sesiapa. It is important that the person is well versed in bidang yang kita nak ceburi.

And then, just when i thought everything was fine and dandy, she sent me another email. Tetap suruh i recommend sv kat dia, so that my sv can recommend somone suitable for her...and get this...she wasn't even sure which university am I studying at!!!! Grrrr....ni memang dasar pemalas tak nak buat research. Hello...ingat senang ke nak ambik any tom, dick or harry jadi your sv? Belum start phd dah tak reti nak buat research on pakar in your bidang. Nanti dah start kang, cemana agaknya. Lagi satu, I told her, sini kena tahu cakap German. Dia dahla memang tak tahu cakap german. Grrrr.....

Maka, I rasa, ada baiknya I list down tips on how to apply for a PhD.

1. Please determine what you plan to study for your phd. Write up your proposal. Have a senior go through it to see if it is worthy enough to be considered as a phd proposal.

2. Since sure you dah baca banyak artikel masa buat proposal tu, you will be familiar with a few names. So, this people can potentially be your SV. Or, bolehlah go through a uni website. Macam a senior in your uni will surely know which uni is good in your bidang. Then google dan cari SV.

3. Lepas dah shortlist a few names, start emailing them your CV and proposal with an appropriate introduction about yourself.

4. Tunggu reply.

Ha...kan senang je????

Heran betul dgn orang yang nak go through other person to apply for phd. And, orang yang nak minta tlg orang lain applykan (mcm kes HA ni...nak i bg nama so a prof yang dia kenal di uni tempat dia kerja can get in touch with tht prof for her). Perluke?? So nanti phd you, siapa yang akan buatkan??

Panas je I. Dah la orang nak study and prepare for viva. Benda2 camni sangat tak perlu!

sementara sempat

ok...i thought writing my thesis was difficult. Now, I beg to differ. Studying for my Viva is equally hard for me. I get a lot of people telling me not to worry and that I will do just fine. Tapi...tapi takuuttttt.......dah seram sejuk dah ni. And my perut also rasa macam ada gajah berlari-lari..bukan butterflies dah.

I don't know what to study. Where to start?

So what I did was I went through my thesis again. Abru run through sekali. I prepared the presentation text and prezi to go with it. Then, I started reading books. But now, I pikir, is it the right time to read books???? I think I should just concentrate on my thesis kan? And try to guess what they might ask...like why did you use this theory? Please explain your methods thoroughly. Betul tak?

I am sooooooo confused!!!!!!

SV said that I have the upper hand because my presentation is in English and they will not be able to ask me some hebat questions like they can if I were to present in Deutsch. Dia kata, prepare a one page thing to distribute to the panel. And he said, basically, they will only ask questions based on what I presented.

Namun I masih risau. Takut tak reti jawab. My problem is, sometimes I know the answer in my head but my mulut tak reti nak explain. Uwaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I really really really want to get a good grade and pass this. This is my final hurdle, before I can get that two coveted letters before my name.

Doakan yang I akan berjaya.

Now, I must read and reread my short notes on my thesis.

I also think that I should present everyday to my friend...just to be sure I will be fluent.

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusan PhD ku ini. please let me go back with a PhD in my hands. Amin.

sedikit sedikit

Hmm....i have finished reading my thesis only till chapter 4...i have 2 more chapters to khatam.

Sesambil baca tu, I think of possible questions. These questions, I plan to tulis atas small cards.

I am sooooooooooooooooooooooo risau but of course la kan...dalam risau risau tu, relaaaaxxxx jer.

Okla...nak study sambil tgk top chef masters.

almost there

I have re-edited my text for presentation (with Aaron's help) and did my prezi. So esok nak kena pi print out the text again so I can edit it again and compare it to my prezi so that I can finalize the pathways. Am putting quite an effort for my presentation (prepare prezi bagai) walaupun SV pesan tak yah prepare slides. But I think, any presentations lebih cun with prezi, kan???

Pastu, I have studied my chapter 2. Have listed a few questions which I think may be asked. I bought some empty cards to write some important bits like quotes and isi-isi penting and also the Q and A. I haven't started writing on the cards tho. I figured that I should finish preparing my presentation dulu and will tackle the potential Q and A next. I hope esok by lusa selesailah proses nak prepare for presentation ni so that I can concentrate studying my other chapters.

I still feel that the area I really need to prepare on is theoretical framework.

I am sooooo risau.

On the bright side, unlike my friends Uni (also in Wien tapi uni lain), I tak payah nak susah payah sediakan makanan and minuman for people after my public defense.

Oklah u ols.

Things to do esok: Print text, re-edit, create pathways and finalise prezi.

Kalau ada celah-celah time tu nak khatamkan chapter 4.

going somewhere??

I should really consider going somewhere for jalan-jalan. Hmm...maybe pi Venice kan for a day or two. :)

Anyway, I met my SV today. Dia kata, don't worry. I am sure you will do fine. You wrote a good thesis so you just have to defend some of the points which was criticized.

So, katanya, akan ada 3 orang dalam examination panel. seorang tu chair and lagi 2 tu are the ones who read my thesis. The defence will be open to public.

Firstly, I will have to prepare a short presentation of my thesis, my RQ, theories, methods, findings. This will be followed by the q and a session. SV dah bagitahu siap-siap to read up on theories pertaining to cultural studies because he said they may want to gauge my competence in that area. *pengsan!!* Also, dia kata, cari theory lain yg may be possible to be used in my thesis, which I did not include. *pengsan*. Kenapalaaaa I left my books di KL?? :(

Jadi, mulai esok what I plan to do is to prepare my text for presentation. Sebab lepas dah prepare text tu baru boleh prepare prezi kan. Then, must read up on the theories and etc.

Tapi nak prepare presentation, haruslah baca balik my whole thesis and know everything in and out. Sigh. I tell you. I have been procastinating and reading blogs, and catching up on my tv shows. teruk betul la.

MUST START WORKING!!!!!!

Maybe I should just prepare the text kan. Sebab nak prepare text, surely I will end up reading the whole thesis. Kan??

oh mojo, sila datang sekarang!!!!!!!

bila nak sampai seru ni??

I have been lazy!!!! I am such a procastinator kan??

You see, I listed down 42 potential questions that could be asked by my examiners during viva, but I have only answered 2!!!! I am so upset with myself tapi I seriously tak de semangat nak buat ok.

I went out for drinks with a friend just now. It was nice to be able to talk to someone. She read through my Gutachten (thesis report) and said that it was all ok. Areas which was highlighted by both examiners were theory. So, I definitely will have to prepare myself for that. Sure akan ada soalan tanya why guna theory itu sahaja and etc. One examiner wished I could include more metathory while another one wanted to read more theories on identity. So, I really must read up my chapters on that to prepare myself dengan soalan kenapa i tak include theory by X or Y. Aside from that, one of the examined wished I could talk more about gender differences in analysing my data and also talk about my relationship with the people I talked to. So, have to prepare myself for that as well.

So nya, I definitely have to re-read my thesis (so malas!!! seriously rasa nak termuntah baca again sebab dah beribu kali baca ok!) and start answering the questions i have listed down (in a new note book..hehehe...love buying new staionaries!).

Hmm...good thing is I have a friend to practice my Q and A thing with. :)

Esok ada makan2 raya at the embassy and Sunday ada open house. I tell you, kat Mesia I tak sempat pon pergi open house bagai..tetiba kat sini plak pergi open house. Speaking of which, did I tell you, on the first sunday i arrived, my friend yg i tumpang duduk ni had an open house (sort of).

I love staying here because so dekat dengan Kartner (one of my favourit-est place ever) and all my favourite eateries and also a very nice playground (where Aaron got his first kiss yesterday...such a sweet talker my boy tu!!).

Lagi satu, I actually finally read up and saw the graduation ceremony and dengan frustnya nak bagitahu, tak de jubah bagai ok. :( there goes my harapan nak pakai robe dan topi tu kan. *sigh* Anyway, the good thing about convo kat sini is I get to choose when I want to go, within a year of me passing my defence. So, am thinking of attending convo masa summer next year. hehe. :)

Oklah....got to do some work or maybe watch some drama . Baru je finally wrote a short info on myself for the book (in which I contributed a chapter). am wondering what happen to the article I contributed to one journal..ye la...sekarang kan mak tengah misi nak cukupkan 2 journal article supaya balik nanti boleh apply untuk confirmation and etc. Tapi kan....viva pon tak buat lagi...so how??

oh oh....bubble tea craze is in Wien as well. Had bubble tea kat McDs tadi and I must say I love the bubble sebab it bursts in your mouth keluar some fruity yummy squirts!! yumm...

oklah....ciao!

hello dunia

Saya sekarang bersiaran dari Vienna.

I have finally started working on my Viva Voce. Sekarang cuma tengah research on what is it all about and also list potential questions.

Next, I need to read my thesis again (yang dah ditinggalkan selama almost 6 bulan ok!!!! TSK). Well...good thing is I will be reading it with a pair of fresh eyes. Tapi....sigh....I just hope I sempat khatam my thesis in and out before my viva (yang belum arrange pon datenye, FYI).

Since I have 6 chapters, I plan to study each chapter in four days (ini termasuk tulis summary and list out potential Q and A). I hope my plan will work because honestly, I am also planning to bercuti ke Spain. hehe.

I dah print out my chapter 1 and 2. I want to start by esok or lusa (boleh lagi kan nak procastinate?).

Anyway, my Aaron has found his voice and is so excited to talk in his baby language LOUDLY!!! Habis computer lab bingit because budak kecik tu pot pet. Maka, universiti bukan lagi menjadi tempat sesuai untuk I pergi. Kalau nak print document pon, kena cepat cepat sebab nanti ada budak yang nak berebut mouse, keyboard dan juga menyanyi dan pot pet dengan kuat. *sigh*

Oklah...boss kecik dah bangun nak susu. Its back to doing work while bagi susu routine for me.