Pasti

Oh hati, tolonglah bertenang.
Kadang-kadang rasa macam tersisih. Kadang-kadang rasa macam apa lagi yang tak cukup.
Kadang-kadang rasa macam i am not that desperate
Kadang-kadang rasa, kalau dah macam tu, apa yang istimewa tentang status i?
Kadang-kadang rasa semua tak kena
Kadang-kadang rasa kecewa.
Patah hati.
Putus asa.

Tapi, selalu ingat.

Allah only tests you because Allah knows you can handle it.

And.

With great trials and tribulations there is great reward.

Janji Allah itu pasti.

Alhamdullilah.

going cuckoo

at times, I feel like I am going cuckoo. And no, it is not funny.

You see, I know I choose to win him over.

But, there are times that I will be paranoid and playing games in my own head. I imagine things and etc.

Sometimes, my instinct is sooooo strong but I have no way to be certain that it is true. It sucks.

My head works overtime. My sleep is disturbed. I cannot stop thinking.

I dont know when all this will end.

Tapi I will always remember what a dear friend said: Allah maha adil.

InshaAllah, I will reap what I earn.

I pray that Allah make me the best wife for him.

I also pray that Allah makes him appreciate all that I have done and make him be aware of his priorities. InshaAllah.

Whats with November?

I was reading my old blog and realised, all things berkaitan the Stupid Bitch (SB) happens in November! I found the raya card in November. The phone bills and SMS pon in November. Someone saw them shopping together pon was in November. But all in different years. Waahh....

Anyway, in life, one has to make a choice.

And, I choose to win over my husband.

I berpegang kepada janji Allah. Apa yang isteri buat bersama suami, hatta berpegang tangan pon, dah dikira sebagai sesuatu yang baik dan inshaAllah, dapat pahala. Tetapi, bila seorang lelaki dan perempuan yang bukan muhrim do stuff together like holding hands, then those involved akan collect dosa (and no, I am not implying that they did anything. ni contoh je). Also, I believe, Allah is the best planner. Allah knows that I can face all this. And with all trials and tribulations, inshaAllah, there will be great reward.


I pray that Allah will make me to be the best wife for my husband.

November rain

And, so I saw the bitch at the starting line. With you, standing next to her. Hell, we were in a run together and you didnt even bother to stand next to me.

She turned to look behind her and saw my deathly stare and averted my gaze.

Kenapa?

Kenapa tak sudah-sudah lagi ni?

J019 and J020. Obviously both of you registered together.

You may think I am stupid but I am not. You may think you will never be caught tapi Allah maha besar wahai Norazimimah Abdullah  SB.

Things were about to go back to being normal. And this had to happen.

On one hand, syukur Allah nak tunjuk depan mata.

What to do now?

Sabar.

Nak sabar berapa lama?

Kita tunggu dan lihat.

i will survive

and so, almost a year has passed since i last wrote in my blog.

so many things happened.

1. i gave birth to a beautiful baby girl!!!
2. Mr SUnshine is still in Ganu
3. I had a maid. Am now maidless. Babysitter dah tak nak jaga my children.
4. I am tired!!

Raya was ok. Tho i did have that bout of rashes.

And, last night I couldnt sleep because I suddenly had a panic attack. This feels like PhD all over again. I couldnt sleep because I cannot stop thinking about who will take care of my children when I go to work. My usual babysitter decided to suddenly NOT jaga my kids anymore. Tsk. I am currently waiting for a maid tetapi sementara itu macam mana? Andi's teacher gave the number of a new babysitter. I shall call that person esok and see how. You know, I selalu rasa Allah tak akan uji kita if kita tak leh buat benda tu. Tapi kadang-kadang, rasa sangat risau. Rasa macam omg....i just cannot do this. :(

On top of that, I feel the pressure to perform at work. InshaAllah, am working on correcting an article for a scopus publication. Then, I kena start writing another article. Am also hoping buku Srikandi tu keluar this year. I plan to apply for confirmation soon....hope that I will get it, inshaAllah.

On top of my head:
1. betulkan pertanika paper
2. write jkom paper.
3. plan focus group.
4. write final report of pts.

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusan hamba mu ini.

On top of all this....I miss my husband.

ingatkan saya

Kalau saya ditakdirkan dapat anak perempuan, tolong ingatkan saya supaya saya ingatkan dia untuk mencari seorang suami that loves her more than she loves him.

I just don't want her to feel hurt.

bila keseorangan

it hasn't been easy.

I had to carry on with life as usual when Mr Sunshine left for Ganu. Once again, we are on a LDR. I hate it, tapi dah takdir, nak buat macam mana kan?

Now that he is not around, I have to do everything. Dulu pon memang i yang buat school runs, cook, clean, buat laundry and etc. But when he is around, he at least helps me wash the dishes, pick up the boys from babysitter kalau dia balik kerja awal, look after them (or more like layan karenah Aaron) so that I can have some time to mandi or cook. But now? Now, I sometimes cook while carrying Aaron. I bath with Aaron knocking on the door (tp ni dah less frequent, Alhamdullilah).

On top of that, I have to endure all this while being preggers.

Tapi hari ni or last night actually, I broke down. Just when I thought I am ok and maybe can survive this for another year, something happened.

Someone tried to break into my house. It was around 10pm and I was in bed, fiddling with my phone when I heard bunyi macam tingkap kena bukak, followed by some noise...macam bunyi my son main dengan periuk kinda sound. I knew that AA and AD are both asleep in their room opposite my room. I thought I was imagining things. Pastu, I pergi check and true enough, the window was opened!!! I immediately closed it and checked on my boys. Call Mr Sunshine and he told me to get the boys into our room and lock the door while he calls our neighbour.

Our neighbour came, and checked my house, tak ada apa. I was soooooooo scared and felt so helpless that I cried. tsk. That night, I slept with a lot of lights switched on.

Pagi tadi, my neighbour datang again to just have a look see since dah cerah and easier to tgk and true enough, dekat tingkap blakang (the boys bedroom) ada palm prints and also finger marks. tsk. Whoever it was must have tried to go in through the boys room as well tapi nasib baik, both windows which they tried tu, the grill jenis tak boleh buka.

Alhamdulillah, we are safe and sound. But, I am still traumatised with all this and I burst into tears when I think about it.

Honestly, I feel like I have had enough of LDR. :( It sucks. I hate having to be independent, brave, jadi my son's pillar of strength. Unless you are going through what I am going through, you won't even know how I feel. Its difficult. Nak kena protect your sons who are oblivious to what is happening when you yourself are scared to hell.

On top of all that, I really wish Mr Sunshine would come back tonight, to check up on me and give me a hug. But, I don't think he will. :(