lagi 2 minggu

i will be in Wien in two weeks. how time flies. i dread the goodbyes. but ironically, i sort of miss my life in vienna.

hari ni, drama air mata dah bermula. its always like that. i always manage to shed tears when i think about leaving my boys.

on the homefront, things are getting a lot better, i guess. you see, i have a weakness. my weakness is that when i love someone, i give my heart and soul. even when i say i would not forgive, my love for him somehow made me accept what had happened. i try to forget, honest to god, i do. but i just can't. you see, when you are in this situation, you will ALWAYS doubt. tapi, i have decided that i would just close one eye, and work my butt off to get what i want, my PhD. lepas tu, i will decide on what is best.

dani....dani is one big boy. great abe (yes..andi panggil dani Abe ok....darah kelate u ols!). i love it when he says : "haha..tataiyo...andi (insert what Andi has done here). He talks a lot. Can read. I am going to miss him and our kissing machine games.

andi, my dear Andi. the one who can miracalously hold his own milk bottle when papa bagi. i don't know how i am going to leave him. he has been my constant companion, dari dalam perut lagi. he has always been with me in Wien. *sob sob*.

neway, doakan semuanya akan berakhir dengan baik.

p/s: am freaking out cos tak kumpul2 lagi responden for FGD (tapi tetap tak buat apa-apa pon!) *matilaaa mak!!!

what if??

don't you sometimes wonder what if? what if i bought a different car? what if i choose to do my phd in malaysia? what if??

you know, when i was in uni, NMK proposed to me. at that time, dia baru confirm kerja. to this day, i can still remember it. we were having teh tarik at a stall dekat signboard celcom tu. and he was telling me that dia dah confirm kerja. i was like, oh..ok *mode: blur*. then he proceeded to tell me that, bila dah confirm kerja, he can choose to withdraw his EPF money and opt for pension, or otherwise. then he said...EPF i ada about 15K. and i was like, oh..ok *note: masih blur*. then he said, what if i guna duit tu and masuk meminang u?? and i was like...wha?????? i never said yes.

the thing is, i felt like i could never accept him because he had misused my trust. honestly, i felt really loved when i was with him. cakap je teringin makan connetto tgh malam...zass....tiba2 ada special delivery. or, penat berjalan kaki balik ke dorm..zasss...tiba2 ada orang jemput. or, kesempitan wang nak makan properly...zass...ada orang bawak pi makan. however, despite all that, NMK had once, earlier in the relationship, cheated on me. he broke my heart. shattered it into pieces. so much so, that when he promised me that he will change, i still had doubts that he will. even when i knew i was then the only one for him, i still cannot believe it. even when it was him that i saw lepas istikharah, i still cannot accept it. for the thought of him cheating on me when we are married will forever haunt me. because he already had a history. how could i?? how could i believe him??

but now...now i wonder what if guys who were 'players' when they were young are the ones who turn out to be honest and ready when they are married? what if, it is the honest faithful guy masa muda yg will turn out to be a cheater selepas kawen, just because they didnt 'experience' it all when they were young?

what if?

benci dan peluang terakhir

buat masa sekarang, saya bencikan lelaki yang tidak berpegang pada janji, lelaki yang menipu, dan lelaki yang curang.

dan perhatian buat seseorang yang bernama Dr Azie (mungkin bukan nama sebenar) yang bekerja di sebuah hospital di ibu kota. sila jangan menggatal dengan laki orang! *sambil pose cekak pinggang*

u ols, ada banyak lagi lelaki lain yang u ols boleh jadikan kawan.

akhir kata salam ramadhan.

p/s: i mean what i said. STOP IT!

last chance babeh.

kosong

i have heard that Allah only tests us because Allah knows that we can get over it.

Saya berdoa saya akan tabah dan berjaya menghadapi segala dugaan yang diberikan.

Bring it on!

p/s: kepada awak, awak memang tak guna! celaka betul. *oppss..matila mencarut di bulan mulia.

terbaru

- saya sangat berpuashati denagn perkihidmatan rawatan kuku yang diberikan oleh colorculture. so much so, dah fenfeeling nak book a manicure session sebelom balik kampung next week. harusla kena kuku cantik sebelom jumpa MIL!!

- dani dah masuk book 4! and iqra' 2! yeay!!!!

- andi can now say chus (shoes), dodok (duduk), ai (air). he understands orders.

- i bought my kasut raya already!! its a stiletto. harap2 tak terpeleot semasa nak pose pose raya.

- baju raya tak de lagi, how?

-budget lariiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii giller semenjak balik. itupon, i ada hati nak tukar rim keta.

- semalam sudah bukak balik file-file yang sudah mengumpul habuk. i target to finish my methods chapter before i go back. caiyok caiyok!

- suka pergi dating dgn Dr Sunshine sans boys. tapi we miss them when they are not around.

- saya telah mengalami alahan yang peling teruk sekali semenjak bali last tuesday. my mom had some construction work done in her house and all those dust made me a very sneezy woman. skarang dah ok sikit, Alhamdullillah.

- mahalnye mak datuk harga susu budak2 ek. haih...that is why breast is best!

saya mahu

baru je lepas menyapu daun daun kering kat porch rumah *mode isteri mithali*. pagi tadi lepas sahur buat laundry. nilah kerja saya sepanjang balik ni u ols!!!

bila nak start buat FGD ni?? haih...maybe its because i need only three groups so i am pretty relaxed about it. teruk kan?? memang dasar pemalas. buku-buku pon telah ditolak ketepi. teruk teruk!! cemana nak habis ontime nie?? how? how?? haru motivasi diri sendiri. tapi minggu depan dah nak balik kampung pulak. haiyoyoyoyo....

oleh itu tuan puan, after i get my pedicure tomorrow (masih sempat nak procastinate di situ), saya akan mula giat bekerja. i need to kumpul my respondents and START with the interviews. Alhamdullillah, my content analysis dah almost siap. cuma ada 1 program ajer lagi..tapi kena cari dulu program tu.

haiyoyoyo...ok...must start with FGD ASAP. must read read read. tapi kenapa ek, mood membaca itu tiada semasa di malaysia?? kenapa? why????

Petua mengikat hati suami

Mak went out for her monthly ladies lunch thingy and one of her friends yang dah tua bagitahu dai kalau nak make sure suami tak stray, mestilah:

1. pastikan sentiasa ketat! *waahh...this coming from an old lady okeh!! donchplayplay*
2. make sure bila suami balik, kita berpakaian cantik. so u ols kena pastikan by the time hubby balik tu, dah siap2 masak, if not nanti ada plak bau belacanla karila..how??spray spray sket perfume. pakai cantik2 doesnt neccesarily mean sexy, nice pj pants and baby tee pon dah ok kot.
3. ingat yang he's only our hubsand masa kat rumah. so, must really trust him. *bolehkah?