superman

Saya rasa Dr sunshine umpama Superman. Dia kan, jaga anak-anak saya. dan sekarang, dia tengah bertungkus lumus pack barang-barang di rumah sewa sebab esok nak pindah ke rumah baru , sambil menjaga anak kami yang demam!

Oh...saya rasa nak balik sekarang juga untuk membantu dia....kesiaannn!! :(

ketentuan Illahi

Hari ni I dapat berita sedih. My SIL who is pregnant 34 weeks lost her baby. I am not sure if it was stillborn or meninggal selepas dilahirkan, but it is still sad.

I always read yang baby or anak kita yang meninggal akan tunggu kita kat pintu syurga. Betul ke ek?

I experienced a misscarriage once, when I was about 5 weeks pregnant. Until today, I cannot help but wonder if he/she will be waiting for me kat pintu syurga.

Al-Fatihah.

it only takes one stupid bitch to ruin a beautiful relationship.

i can forgive.

but, i never forget.

sedih

sebab apa sedih? sebab iols kengkonon fenfeeling nak suprisekan husband dengan mulberry wallet yang dibeli di Paris (sebab vienna tak de mulberry store uols!). mak rasa dah cantik dah.

tapi.

suami tak berapa suka sebab tak muat duit malaysia. if nak muatkan, kena lipat2 duit. yela..masa beli tu, iols test dengan duit euro ajer. :(

maka, terasa sedikit sedih disitu sebab dia tak suka.

if only dia tahu how jauh i had to walk to find the mulberry store kat rue honorore ittew!!! penat ok. hmm...takpela, pengorbanan.

pastu, i beli juga polo shirt lacoste for him, long sleeve. satu tu belang-belang. satu tu plain colour but it has a pocket kat depan tu. adeke dia kata yg plain colour tu reminded him of his pbsm shirt masa zaman sekolah menengah? apakah motif meng-comparekan shirt lacoste dengan t-shirt pbsm sekolah?

maka, iols adalah upset harini. tapi iols bebuat tak upset la bila dia ala-ala komplen pasal my gifts. :(

logik kan i upset? kan?

p.s: i emailed mulberry to ask if i can exchange the wallet to something else in the KL store. if not, maybe can post it back or something. alang-alang exchange, baik mak beli alexa atau poly push lock sebijik. *oopsss*

p.ps: iols tak sempat update pasal paris trip sebab amat busy nak ngabiskan thesis nieh!! but lets just say, i bought a few bags. hih hih.

belian

- dr Sunshine bought the boy's bed!! its a double decker bed and needless to say, Dani dah chop nak the top bunk. So bawah nanti will be Aaron and Andi.

- My dad's step sis was found dead at her home. She was single and lived alone. She is a very nice lady and will be missed. :( Yang sedih, the police cakap she may have been dead since Friday but since dia tinggal sorang, no one realised. Her neighbour, today,bought her some roti canai but just left the plastic up front. Dah lama tu,dia tengok plastik tak berangkat. She was worried so she told her hubby and her hubby kata, cer pi cek. Dia pon pi la dekat rumah tu and could smell something. So she waited for her son, and son dia masuk inside and found my auntie. :( She fell down and bled kat kepala. I cannot imagine how she must have felt. Was she in pain but tak leh nak capai telefon. Or was she unconsious terus? No one knew. Yang I sedih, my Along said, entah-entah Along pon nanti macam ni. Tsk. I told her, I WILL NEVER let her live alone. If I am not around, I will make sure that Dani will take care of her, inshaAllah. And she said, even mak kata, jangan macam tu. I am sure adik (me) will jaga awak. And when I told this to Dr Sunshine, I am so glad that he told me that Along will obviously live with us, even before I suggested it to him. Syukur to have a husband like you babe!

- I have been the queen of procastination!!! I baru aje nak start buat my assignment and prepare for presentation. tsk!

oklah.

apa pon, if you live alone, please make sure you leave details or phone numbers of your family members dekat tempat yang orang senang nak jumpa.

ok. tu je.

you get what you give

Hari ini, saya tidak bangun untuk solat Subuh.

Dan tak tahulah sama ada kebetulan ke apa, hari ni adalah antara hari paling sh**y yang pernah saya alami.

1. Pergi buat groceries, namun tertinggal satu barang di kaunter and only realised it when i got home. Mak tak koser nak pi kedai tu balik, lagipon what proof do i have that I tertinggal barang ittew di kaunter.

2. My laptop dan juga komputer di universiti tak boleh read my external hard drive which contains my thesis!!!!!! And altho I have some backup (only a few chapters) the ones that I have corrected atau add info non ado back up. I wanted to do it today but alas...this thing happened! Call dr sunshine, tapi terasa seperti kena marah.:( Maka call kawan di sini and she said, maybe the cable that connects the external to lappie yang longgar. Emm..mungkinkah? LAgipon it did jatuh before i guna pagi tadi. Maka decided to go to Saturn to get a new cable.

3. On the way to Saturn to get a new cable to connect my external hard drive to the lappie, bus berenti jaaauuuuhh lagi dari stesen that i want to turun. Sebab apparently now, every Samstag leading up to xmas, bus will only stop till this particular station. Maka, terpaksa I menapak (sambil ber-babywearing cik Aaron yang agak berat ittew).

Now i am home (its almost 4pm) and baru nak makan breakfast/lunch. :(

Lepas makan ni, nak test if pertukaran cable berjaya menyelamatkan external ku. Doakan yek.

Ke uols yang expert2 computer tu camana i can rectify this matter????

seminggu lagi....

lagi seminggu je tinggal for my elective ceaser. I must admit that I am so much more nervous this time around. Ironic, since it is going to be my third time.

Maybe I am more nervous due to the fact that I might have to tie my tubes. :( The obgyn did advise me to go through the BTL procedure tapi I am quite hessitant because I want to try for a girl pulak, InsyaAllah. Tapi....hmm...it all depends on the condition of my previous scar. If banyak adhesion, then might have to tie my tubes.

I have talked about it with Dr Sunshine and he said it might be better for me to tie it because of all the risks that I would face in the next pregnancy. Dia kata, if nak a girl, we can always adopt. Tapi, jauh disudut hati, i have this fear, which some of you might think to be quite ridiculous, if not being able to give him a girl would make him love me less. sigh. Now I know how those people yang have a hard time conceiving feels. I am without any doubt, so blessed to be able to have kids. But there's also this fear of not being able to have a girl in the future.

So u ols, please doakan that everything will go well. Please doakan yang my previous scars are ok and that I would have a s[eedy recovery.

I am going to pantang at my own house, like how I want it to be so feel free to come in visit, k?

If nak visit kat spital, I will be in spital slyg from 13june onwards. And, sedih ok, because 13june tu, i have to make my own way to the hospy sans husband. Haih...what to do.

Lagi satu, i nak minta maaf ek if ada salah dan silap.

And, to betina gatal tak sedar diri, please stop giving my husband presents b*tch!

macam sibuk

Hari ni, rasa rindu sangat dgn the boys, especially AA and AD. It has been weeks since I last skyped with them (1 whole misarable week of not hearing AA cakap hai mama, hai babe ... ini kes ajuk papa dia cakap, not listening to AD cerita about school and what he did). Dr Sunshine has been busy with kenduri kawen kawan dia, pastu OC (on days that I dont have classes) and me with my erratic class schedule! The time difference does not help at all because by the time I am home, my babies would be asleep, so I can only look at them sleeping through web cam. tsk.

Sigh.

Rindunyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

I wish that I am now on the same bed as they are walaupun harus berhimpit-himpit kat atas katil queen ittew.

I still have yet to purchase my ticket. Esok Dr Sunshine OC lagi. I know. again! Perluke EOD??? Dahlah tu, ai memang tak de kelas pulak tu esok. tsk. Friday, dia locum and I have class till 8pm. Saturday ajela peluang ai untuk berborak dengan the boys.

sob sob.

Only about 9.5 more weeks. Haih....cepatlah masa beredar. I wanna go home. Err..tapi kerja tak siap lagi. *nanges*

Hmm...I guess inilah derita merindu, kan??

p/s: suka tengok when Dr Sunshine's face lit up when he thought I was going to balik awal. But then, dia juga menyarankan supaya ai menyiapkan segala mala kerja. :(

rindu

saya rindu sama budak yang gambarnya kat atas tu.

today is exactly two weeks that I am without him. This is my second time being seperated from him for a long duration of time,the first time was only for 12 days. I was sick and when i looked at old pictures of him when i was sick tu, i realised how thin he was. and itsuddenly dawned to me that was probably because i didnt give him enough to eat and susu. sedih pulak bila fikir. and guilty to boot.

this time around, i left him in good hands. he's now with Papa and AD (which he calls Ni or Abe) and my mom and along. so i know he is being taken care off really well. he's eating well (had 1/4 of his Papa's subway and also suka olive like the brother!!). so i should be happy.

tapi.

tapi today i broke down.

i broke down because i miss this little boy so much. he has been with me here since day 1. since he was in my tummy. he has always been with me. i cannot help but keep on looking at his toys. sniffing at the part of the bed he used to occupy and his bantal.i miss hearing him panggil mama, kacau i masak and even when i am taking my shower. i remember how our bedroom would be super messy with his toys. i miss having him snuggling with me malam-malam. i miss looking at him sepahkan almari. i miss berebut laptop dgn dia. i miss him so much.

its so lonely. tapi, at times like this, i would always remember an entry Suzy once wrote in her blog.

i can do this right?

i miss my boys.

benci dan peluang terakhir

buat masa sekarang, saya bencikan lelaki yang tidak berpegang pada janji, lelaki yang menipu, dan lelaki yang curang.

dan perhatian buat seseorang yang bernama Dr Azie (mungkin bukan nama sebenar) yang bekerja di sebuah hospital di ibu kota. sila jangan menggatal dengan laki orang! *sambil pose cekak pinggang*

u ols, ada banyak lagi lelaki lain yang u ols boleh jadikan kawan.

akhir kata salam ramadhan.

p/s: i mean what i said. STOP IT!

last chance babeh.