shattered into pieces

kadang-kadang, in life, kita kena give in. But how long will you able to do that.

Please. Please remember the promise you made.

I would not hesitate, if it happens again.

:(

dah submit

I have just submitted my 51 application.

Now, I need to settle my laporan tamat cb, 2 thesis to be bound, my claims (flight tix, fees and insurance)

Pastu frgs.

pastu the book chapter.

Nasib baik I haven't started teaching.

Ok...need to finish up the laporan.

p.s: I also feel very efficient today sebab dah buat appointment dgn cleaner, exterminator AND called several kindy and daycare. hehe.

peghak

i am sorry....but i am still quite peghak and giggle like a silly girl (to myself, of course) when people address me as dr.

oh my god.

i still cannot believe i am done. i dah jadi doktor. masih susah nak percaya. masih dalam disbelief. dan masih kembang-kembang hidung bila i am introduced as doktor.

maafkan saya jika saya sound meninggi diri. do you feel like this as well?

masih tak percaya.

as for perkembangan in my ds51 application, i dah dapat persetujuan dari 3 pengadil peribadi, Alhamdullilah. Borang pon actually I dah isi. hehe. Now nak tunggu penjanaan maklumat on my publication and also to get approval of the conferences I attended. Lepas tu dah clear, I nak email my pengadil peribadi again to ask if they have submitted the borang. Lepas tu, I nak hantar borang I.

Then, have to apply for the grant.

okie dokie...have work to do.

p.s: finally got my own room!!

kepulangan

i am back di tanah tumpah darahku. Happy? yes. Sad? yes jugak. I must admit, it is not easy to leave a place i call home for the last 4 years.

Anyway, I reported for duty last Monday. Alhamdullillah, my boss said I could take the week off. I am still jetlagged and need to settle issue penjagaan anak-anak. You tahu, on my first day, I actually woke up at about 5 to get ready because I needed to drop off my babies at my moms all the way in pj before going back to bangi for work. Tiring and of course I was sooooo sleepy throughout my drives.

Semasa cuti seminggu ni, I am taking the opportunity to buy groceries, get my baby used to being left at my moms and also menyediakan dokumen-dokumen berkaitan utk get the ds51.

So, if you are wondering what are the documents needed, here it is.

1. Photocopy of your spm results, degree transcript, masters transcript and phd surat senat
2. cv
3. publication in 1 journal or a book
4. presentation at a conference
5. laporan 3 pengadil
6. slip gaji.

Ok...looks easy kan??? But I tell you, it is so renyaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....

Apa yang renyah? Proses nak mengisi maklumat online for the publication and presentation and to have it verified by the uni. Thats the renyah part. Haih...dah 2 hari dah I buat, tak habis2 lagi. Bukan sebab banyak publication, tapi sebab banyak info yang not at hand masa isi borang online tu. Maka, balik rumah nanti i kena isi lagi sekali borang tersebut.

Then, nak cari referee pulak. I already have 1. Need to cari 2 lagi. Contacted another 1. Hope to get her reply soon. Now nak 1 more...tetapi siapa ye?

I hope to settlekan all this thing by this week. Lepas ni, tinggal nak mail the borang pengadil to the pengadil and also wait for my surat senat from uniwien. Haih..lambat betul dorang nak releasekan the letter. No letter, no application. :(

One more thing which I need to do is to print 2 copies of my thesis and submit it to unit latihan. And also,  buat surat for my claims. Takpe, ni lepas the 15th boleh buat.

What else? Oh....and nak kena siapkan proposal for a grant i plan to apply. Tengoklah cemana. Harap2 sempat. Must start working on the proposal cos deadline is nov 15th! *pengsan*

Malam ni nak settlekan the online2 borang stuff. Then will proceed with my grant thingy. Will start on grant thingy inshaAllah esok or lusa. Must start thinking of what to do.

Oklah...i nak pergi beli stationaries sat.

p.s: left phone in wien so i was phoneless for about 3 days. Dr Sunshine bought me a new phone. :))
p.ps: ada prof offer i keje kat diff uni in malaysia. if only.....

last friday in wien

This will be the last friday of my stay in wien. After almost four years, this is THE last friday. :( I still cannot believe it....

Anyway, I bought the handbag I wanted, some crystal stuff, work pants and skirt. Now, nak cari work shirts and blouses at Primark!!! Yes...ada primark kat vienna ni and I am going to go on Monday, inshaAllah.

Esok, I plan to go get my pandora and look see at the MJ handbag I have set my eyes on.

Oh...and should I get a kitchenaid??? Its about 780 euros...but it comes with ALL the accessories. Plus, nanti I can claim VAT. So, should I? Should I???

Selain itu, dah tak de nak shopping dah. Esok dah nak start pack my stuff into boxes. Emm..I wonder how many boxes will it be...hehehhehe

shopping lagi dan lagi

Syukur Alhamdullilah, diberkati dengan kawan kawan yang offer untuk tolong jaga anak masa viva, dan juga sudi ajak saya untuk pi shopping trip at an outlet here!!!

Oh Em Gee.

Masa nak pergi tu, memang dah list down barang nak beli. So, when I went, I terus attacked kedai-kedai yang berkaitan.

Total damage:
wallet for me
wallet for my sisters
handbag sebjik
kasut 5 pasang
hair serum andi 5 botol
cuticle and nail oil thingy
baby lotion
cocottes
spice jars

Banyak kan? Mentang-mentang konon nak treat myself kan?? hambeekk....

Now, tinggal nak beli sebijik lagi handbag, satu kasut yang haritu dah nampak tapi tak beli, and work clothes and also stock baju for the boys, 2 mangkuk V&B (if ada my design) and random hiasan from here (if ada yang berkenan di hati). And esok, nak pi tengok kristal. Nak beli vases to put flowers. Thinking of getting a big one and 2 smaller ones of different sizes tapi tu semua bergantung kepada harga.

Itu sahaja yang tinggal. Now, persoalannya, how to bawa balik semua harta benda mak nenek tu??? *pengsan*

Frau Doktor

Akhirnya, pada 15 Oktober 2012, berakhirlah pengembaraan saya sebagai seorang student phd.

ALhamdulillah, the viva went well and I passed! ")

Mula-mula before viva start, i dah risau dan nervous. Takut dan gelabah. Sebab? Memula SV ada kata kena present thesis kita. So, I pon buatlah prezie and juga prepare text. Alih-alih, masuk bilik tu, tak de projector uols!!! Its a new building and I guess that room wasn't fully equiped. Maka, panik sekejap. Nasib baiklaaaaa I ada prepare handout yg mempunyai isi-isi penting dari thesis I.

So, the first 10 minutes was spent with talking about my research. Then, the examiners (3 of them) asked me to defend on things which they have criticized in the Gutachten (report). Masalahnya, masa kawan I tlg cerita balik apa yang dikritik, dia tak de la detail sangat. Rupanya, banyak benda juga ok. Panik kejap I!!!!

They kept asking me on how I see myself as being reflected in the research? How do I, as a researcher, project a certain role or impose on the answers my respondents could give? As a cultural studies scholar, we must always reflect on ourselves a researcher and the position we might take on a particular research (i didnt mention this in my disertation!!)That I missed an interesting part which could make my thesis better --- gender differences in decoding text. That they were not convinced on the way I used U&G concepts in E/D because E/D was originay written to criticise U&G. That I should have looked at David Buckingham's work. Did I look at identity as fluid or something specific? Why didn't I write more on the process of identity construction? What is my future plan? How would my research help my country? How does religion make a difference in my research? What do I plan to bring back to Malaysia? What would I have done differently?

All this were done within an hour. It was conducted in a seminar room which could fit an oblong table with 6 chairs around it. Needless to say, there were no audience. My friend came, but she waited outside for me.

You know, my friends all assured me to not worry for viva because it is basically talking about your research work. I was not convinced. But, when I was in that room, it strucked me! Memang betul lah!!! hehehhe.... I never knew I could speak at ease about things and explain about my work. Of course, reading it over and over again helped. I also read online and a friend pon nasihat juga, bila baca balik thesis tu, buat small notes or post its. Masa I read/heard that, I rasa macam...bolehke nak buat small notes ni? Believe me...once you start reading your thesis balik, you will automatically know what you find important.

Apa pon, bersyukur sangat that I dah selamat lulus.

Syukur sangat kepada Allah for all this. If you read my first few months when I first came to Vienna, you would know how exasperated I was, worried all the time, cried myself to sleep because of the new things I had to face here. Dengan 5 months preggers, nak kena buat insurance, cari tempat tinggal, apply for student permit, cari obgyn, beranak, missed first exam because beranak, sat for the exam, masalah cari babysitter for Andi, peristiwa sakit teruk sampai masuk hospital and terpaksa tinggalkan Andi dengan orang lain, pregnant again, the confusion on how many ects to take (i ended up taking 72 ects....padahal they needed only 30!!), kena baling dengan passport masa renew permit dan macam-macam lagi. Living so far away from my family was also not an easy thing to do.

Because of that, I am grateful because Allah gave me the strength to face all this. Alhamdullillah. Memang betul. Allah tak kan uji kita if dia tahu yang kita tak boleh menghadapinya. Thank you for granting my doas.

So, next stop, kerja!! *pengsan* so glad to go back with phd in my hands!!!

Sebelum ittew, nak shopping for my reward. hehe.