confused again!

argghhh....

i am confused. I am already in the midst of reconstructing my chapters when I suddenly feel that maybe i should not reconstruct it and just let it be!! haiyaaa....

ok. pendapat uols amat dialu alukan!

in the first version, i divided my chapters (ni i citer pasal findings saja ye) according to the methods I utilised. My content analysis was conducted to mainly discuss about the notion of cultural imperialism through television text in times of modernity.

My focus group discussion pula is to find out how they construct meanings from what they watch. So I divided this chapter into a few sub topics which actually shows the flow in which how they construct meanings, with relations to their cultural identity.

So, tiba-tiba last week terbaca thesis orang lain and terus cuak kan??? LOL.

So, in the second version, I thought that I should chop the chapters up and mish mash everything to indicate the things i want to emphasise on. But, now, masa tengah buat ni, I find that it does not make sense!! hmm...or am i not making sense?

Sebab, if ikut my first version, I will discuss balik the findings from both methods in my concluding chapter. So, dalam conclusion ni nanti, i akan spell out the answer to my research question and also bagitahu what are my contributions.

Kalau ikut new version, konon-konon each chapter will cerita terus contribution ittew tapi bila i tulis tu, rasa macam tak best je. Macam tak de flow je rasa tau.

So, what will you do if you were in my shoes? Stick with the old version? Or go for the new one??

on the way

I am still in the midst of reconstructing my chapter five. *wipes sweat*

Today, for the first time ever, Dr Sunshine buat locum kat private hospy. We have been wishing for this for a long time. Getting this gig would hopefully mean more locums, and hopefully locum kat ot plak next. Why is this important? Because this is one of the ways for him to network. Nanti, bila dah jadi specialist, bolehlah, inshaAllah bukak klinik kat private juga. But locum today ni, dia kena tidur kar hospy tu. Macam on call la juga tapi since there is only one patient, he gets to rest. Esok, dia oncall plaks. haih.

Okla. I want to finish my chapter five by esok. So that I can start on chapter 6 and 7.

Tried to feed Aaron mashed bananas tadi, tapi dia tak nak la....i mixed it with milk. hm...takpela.esok pagi try bagi nestum pula. and I can have goreng pisang! hihi.

re-writing

And so I have decided to restructure my thesis so that it will illustrate my arguments better.

I am actually freaking out and at times I feel like its a crazy step to take but I think I need to do this in order to produce a good thesis. Tak kan la nak hentam keromo, just for the sake of finishing it, kan?

And so, I will begin writing (again!). I really really hope I will finish as I aimed. Aim, end of the year, inshaAllah. Lepas tu nak submit, tunggu review and apply for viva.

Ya Allah, permudahkanla urusanku. Please let Aaron behave and understand that I need to do my work.

orait...lets do this gang!

takut

today, while searching for journal articles for one of my assignments, i came across a phd theses online. I skimmed through it and suddenly, ai rasa TAKUT!!!!

ohmygawd!!!

kenapa takut? kenapa?

sebab, i rasa thesis yg ditulis oleh mamat ittew tersangatlah bombastik pengunaan wordsnya.

Takpe ke eh, if guna simple words sajer? Ishh..risaunyerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

PAstu, pasal pembahagian chapters. You see, I choose to divide my chapters according to its purpose. Contoh:

chapter 1: intro

chapter 2: malaysian society

chapter 3: theoretical framework

chapter 4. methods

chapter 5 findings

chapter 6 findings

chapter 7 conclusion

takpe ke ek? haiyaa...risaunyer!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sempoi sangat ke ek if divide chapter cenggitu? atau, yang penting adalah contribution kita to society? hmm...*garu kepala*

Anyway, I am planning to complete my chapter 1 esok tapi ada masalah kecik yang agak besar. Iaitu, masalah citation dimana ai telah cited an author, tapi kat my writing tu, ada year saje dan page number non ado. haiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa *ketuk kepala*

I hope to start my chapter 7 by Friday, inshaAllah.

Anyway, tak pe ke ek tulis simple2 jer? Ke I jer rasa simple sebab dah spuloh juta kali baca. TSK. How niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.......................

Lepastukan, tetiba rasa,cukup ke buku2 yang i baca. Of course it will never be cukup kan. Tapi pastu datang pula suara hati kata, if baca banyak2 pon, you cannot put everything in your disertation.

Kawan-kawan yang dalam boat yang sama *lambai-lambai to Oyis, Kayla, Eti, Iezma*, how are you people doing? Is this something usual to worry about? Is it? Is it?

selesai!

ok....i have finished writing my chapter 3. So uols, I only have my chapter 7 left and 1 small part of my chapter 1 (organisation of thesis punye subtopic).

Esok, I am going to print out my chapter 5 and chapter 3. Pastu, the next few days, I plan to edit and proofread the chapters (including chapter 6 yang dah print tapi tak edit lagi). Lepas tu, buat pembetulan di mana perlu.

Then, after i dah buat pembetulan, I plan to print everything out again...so that I can read it as a whole thesis. Then, corrections again and I plan to proceed writing my conclusion. I somehow think my conclusion chapter holds the important key to the whole of my thesis because it is in this chapter that i plan to carefully illustrate my contribution to knowledge. risau la jugak because I sometimes rasa tak confident if I can get my points across.

I am still wrecking my brain in thinking how to tie everything together. So hopefully, the process of editing and rereading every chapters accordingly will help me connect the dots and direct my thoughts. :)

I sound so geeky kan.

Alhamdullillah. I really really hope to finish by this month. Now, I rasa that I should not rush myself sangat. I am now thinking of using my winter holidays to re-edit, proof read, check formats and etc and submit it as soon as the semester reopens. I just want to make sure that everything is perfect, well, to me la at least kan.

Tapi, if ada rezeki for me to habis cepat this writing, I would be really really grateful.

Ok tu jer.

Other than going to uni to print out the chapters esok, I plan to rest! and maybe go to a bazaar. tengoklah cemana. :)

Alhamdullillah.

kali pertama dalam 31 tahun!!

today, i changed my first ever light bulb. i know,mungkin uols dah biasa buat tapi this is my first time and i thought i should put it in writing.

if kat rumah, sure i lembik dan akan minta dr Sunshine yang tukarkan when he gets back from work. LOL.

tapi dah duduk sendiri ni, terpaksala kan. Last time when the lights in my room blew, i had to panggil orang lain to tukarkan cos i was heavily pregnant and tak berani nak panjat2 kerusi precariously to change it.

Tapi kali ini, i beranikan diri (altho there is the fear that I will fall sampai ingat maybe i should call my friend first in case anything happen to me, ada la orang tahu kan...wakakak...tapi i tak call pon) and stood at the tip of the chair to change my light bulb. dah la vertically challenged..LOL.

anyway, cannot wait to be my lembik self kat Malaysia nanti. LOL. I miss my husband.

tak ada mood

i brought aaron for his check up today. At 11 days shy of being 6 months, he is 6.77kg and 65cm. I think he is a tall baby because I dukung pon, kaki dia dah melonjong. His length is definitly longer than my torso. Lepas check up tu, nak beratur untuk buat next appointment tu, mengambil masa yang agak lama. I tell you, ada minah ni, siap kena reject lagi oleh klinik ittew sebab i think they are not taking in new patients anymore. Anyhoo, lepas dapat appointment baru, kena la bagi susu. Maka, by the time I left the clinic, it was close to 11. Sempat singgah buat groceries sikit and terus balik to reach home about 12.30. By the time sampai rumah, mood adalah sudah ke laut. uwaaaaaaaaaa

Jauh di sudut hati, memang ada perasaan risau ya amatz like sempatke habis ni...

tapi ada juga kata2 slow and steady wins the race (ni pinjam dari bob the builder).

So here I am, malam2 ni, trying to write because i am worried. huhu.

oklah. saja nak luahkan perasaan.

my bestfren is coming to visit me. woot woot. cannot wait. then we plan to go to venice. :)